Mother of Seven + 2

Our Avarie Faith soft springy spiral curls sparkly dark chocolate eyes infectious smile skin a soft brown Our Avarie Faith bright questioning mind flare for the dramatic feels deeply longing for love and acceptance Our Avarie Faith music speaking to her soul body set in motion rhythm pours out emotions released Our Avarie Faith eyes searching noticing the differences wondering where she fits why she feels different Our Avarie Faith asking the hard questions "Why were there slaves?" "Why do they like him better then me?" "Why did he think that joke about black people is funny?" Our Avarie Faith hearing seeing feeling life as it is in her world As a white mother of a beautiful African American bi-racial child, my eyes are seeing things through her eyes now.  Things I never saw before or felt, I see and feel now.  I used to say prejudice and discrimination no longer existed.  That is n...

The changes in our family have been a blessing, but at the same time a huge adjustment.  My husband daily asks me, "How are you?" and my standard answer is, "Tired."  Yesterday I had a few quite hours to myself.  I went to the park and prayed and in that quiet time God gently spoke to me.  No, it wasn't an audible voice...it was just in the stillness that he brought to mind His Word.  He comforted me and reminded me that He is great and mighty, and He will do far more then I will ever dream or imagine. freedigitalphotos.net So tired. Feeling like I live moment to moment Unprepared for what lies ahead. Missing control, neatness, and order in my life. Stomach often knotted, Brain incapable of sorting it out. Activities, Schooling, Appointments, Needs, Demands, Conflicts, Discipline and Training. Laundry, Cooking, Cleaning, Husband, Children, Friends. Piling up, Gathering into a growing, teetering mass. And just one more pebble add...

In July we welcomed  Miss Avarie Age 4   and  Kaishawn Age 18 months   into our hearts and home.   Avarie is a little princess loving to play pretend.   Kaishawn is a worker staying busy every moment.   These blessings grew over the past 8 months,   Just as the love in our hearts grew too.   We played together.   We worked together.   Growing up   Becoming a family   The Big Day Arrived April 7, 2014 and the kids waited for the judge  with their adoption bears.   Dad and Mom were so excited!   The judge said, "It is final!"   We proudly present to you God's blessings to us Avarie Faith Nicole and  Kaishawn Paul Lamar   Resting peacefully in the love of the Lord knowing He has had and will continue to have all things in his hands.

The big day is almost here.  Monday morning at 11:00 a.m. is adoption finalization at the court house.  Our family is ready. We were blessed with tremendous workers from the foster care agencies we worked for this time around.  Our family worker from DCCCA and the children's worker from St. Francis went above and beyond the call of duty.  We are grateful to them.  DCCCA worked hard to find a match that was the right fit for our family.  St. Francis laid out a plan to accomplish all tasks needed for adoption to happen as quickly as possible. God is good! Although we are ready for life to resume in a normal fashion, we will miss our workers.  In a sense they became a part of our family.  They cared about Baby Boy and Little Girl, who have become precious gifts in our lives.  That means a lot to us.  Without their work, we wouldn't have these children. I will be the first one to tell you that there are a lot of things messed up in the...

Songs make me cry sometimes.  By the time I reach my 60's I will probably be crying through every worship service.  Standing in church this morning singing "10,000 Reason" I hear my sweet Little Girl standing behind me by Grandma singing at the top of her lungs, "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul. Oh my soul. Worship his holy name. Sing like never before, O my soul. I'll worship your holy name." And the tears gathered in my eyes.  "You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger Your name is great, and Your heart is kind For all Your goodness I will keep on singing Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find." Little Girl is one of my 10,000 reasons.  Her and Baby Boy.  Just this week we finished up the majority of the adoption process.  On Monday we went for the reading of the records, a case plan meeting, subsidy negotiations, and the BIG signing of the adoptive placement agreement.  It now goes to our attorney and then to court fo...

Fear.  A force that often controls our actions.    Little Girl has an intense fear.  It is the fear that she will be taken from her family.  It is understandable.  Each month when her case worker comes to visit, we face this challenge.  It took me awhile to catch on to what was going on, but I finally realized a pattern of negative behaviors was associated with each visit. One month she was acting up and the case worker said to her, "That isn't very nice."   She promptly replied, "I'm listening to the serpent."  That took me aback.  I had to explain that we had read about Adam and Eve in the garden and how the serpent had tempted Eve.  The case worker chuckled and the visit went on. The next month she was a drama queen, crying and hiding in my lap.  Nothing seemed to calm her.  The case worker commented that she tends to bring out the worst in the kids she manages. In December we met the worker at Baby Boy's appoin...

Woke up this morning to our sweet Baby Boy's call from his room, "Mama."  Realistically he's not a baby.  He'll be turning two in February.  Playing silly games with him, cuddling him in my arms, singing to him as I tuck him in bed are all moments I treasure.  His sweet but ornery smile brightens our days.  I cannot imagine life without him.  Praying adoption finalization will take that nagging fear away.  Five months down and one to go before we can begin the legal process. Little Girl was extra tired tonight.  I helped her bathe and put on her warm flannel pajamas.  Then she snuggled down into her new bedding that she got for Christmas.  We read our Bible story and prayed together.  Then she asked, "Mama, can we talk."  She always likes to talk at bedtime.  Tonight she told me how she missed her grandma.  We hugged and I told her how she was special because she had a grandma a long ways away that loved her, but th...

Each evening when we tuck Little Girl in bed, we read her a Bible story.  Last night was the story of Christ's resurrection.  As I read about Jesus appearing to Mary and to the disciples, I could feel Little Girl's excitement as she lay beside me on the bed.  When I finished the story she said, "I want to see my Jesus too." We cuddled on the bed as I explained to her that she would be able to see Jesus some day.  She said, "But I want to see my Jesus now."  So then we talked about how we can see Jesus now.  We see him in the beautiful fall leaves outside.  We see him in a sunset.  We see him in people who love us.  I don't know if Little Girl understood all that.  Her longing is to visually see Jesus.  She wants to know what he looks like.  Awww...sweet girl, if only everyone had that great longing to see Jesus.  "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  ...

Sorting through a lot of issues right now.  Little Girl is going through various stages of adjustment.  At this point she seems to have stopped grieving for the loss of grandma in her life.  She has moved on to full-blown temper tantrums, direct defiance, and intentional disobedience. She has an intense need to be in control. This week I have worked hard at finding positive reinforcement for good behavior since time-out is about my only recourse in dealing with the misbehavior.  I bought some little sticker charts that have room on them for 25 stickers.  Each time she finishes one of her responsibilities without complaining and in a timely manner she gets to put a sticker on her chart.  Her responsibilities include making her bed, brushing her teeth, getting dressed, picking up after herself, and folding washcloths.  She also gets stickers for eating her meals without complaining and putting her dishes in the dishwasher.  After her chart is full...

We have slipped past what could be called the "honeymoon" period with Baby Boy and Little Girl.  The children are feeling comfortable which basically means all their true colors are coming out.  We haven't run into anything more then what you would expect for children their age. Baby Boy has become more persistent in getting into things.  The pack n' play has been set up downstairs, so that he can spend some time there from time to time.  Our older children affectionately call it "baby jail."  His protests have also become much louder in volume.  The restrictions in foster care for disciplining are frustrating at this point.  Baby Boy likes to reach up on the counter or even towards my stove top.  I am concerned for his safety.  Due to regulations, I can only use diversion, distraction, and removal. Little Girl is now trying out defiance with firm usage of the word "No" and full-blown temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way.  Th...

 It has been a hard week.  Little Girl has been in tears several times a day.  She misses her other grandma.  She even cried at preschool.  I feel at a loss on how to help. Tonight I tried to explain to her that she needed to be in a home where she could always be safe and loved.  I held her in my arms and stroked her sweet brown cheeks as the tears fell once again.    Those big brown eyes so sad looked up at me and questioned, "But I'll never see her again?"  Cradling her in my arms, we prayed together for God to take away the sadness and watch over her grandma.   It has now been two months since the children came to our home, and I think Little Girl's memories are fading.  She can't remember what grandma looked like.  It scares her.  The things familiar to her are slipping away. Little Girl is struggling with the same things many children who suffer loss deal with.  In trying to process her circumstan...

As our family has been going through this time of transition, I have many friends I need to thank.  Our family could not do this without your support. The gift bag with diapers, pull-ups, a football shirt for Baby Boy, and Dora socks for Little Girl made us feel like you accepted our little ones as part of us. The meal brought over helped get us through another busy day and gave me a moment to catch up on some much needed tasks. The flowers and the card brightened my day.  It made me feel loved.  Sometimes my "love well" gets to feeling empty with so many I'm pouring my love into.  You refilled my "love well." The day out shopping and enjoying your friendship and adult time revived my spirits.  It gave me renewed energy to go on. The encouraging words in an e-mail assuring me that God had prepared me for this reassured me during a time of questions.   The hug and excitement you showed when we found out the kids were going to be able to stay with...

He is always on the move. He leaves a trail everywhere he goes.   Toys are only for dumping.   He prefers to work for his play.   He is happiest with a broom or a mop rag.  Baby Boy has brought much laughter to our home. A gorgeous smile. Lots of hugs and kisses. We can't seem to get enough of Busy Baby Boy. Latest update:  We had a case management meeting last week.  It is all clear for adoption of Little Girl and Baby Boy.  However, the children have to live in our home for six months before any papers can be signed.  So, we wait.  I'm so anxious to share with you pictures of their sweet faces, but that too will have to wait until they are officially ours.  In our hearts they already belong to us--Precious gifts from the Lord.

It has been one month since Little Girl and Baby Boy came to be with us.  It doesn't seem possible.  So much has changed so quickly.  Parental rights were already terminated at the time of placement, but there was a birth connection that was a possible adoptive resource.  However, this family member did not turn in the required paperwork by the deadline, so our family is officially on track for adoption once again. We are excited.  We have fallen in love with these two little bodies so quickly.  Attachment has not seemed to be much of an issue for them or us. Baby Boy runs like mad everywhere he goes.  He usually has a big smile for everyone.  He loves to spin in circles and roll across the floor.  He is a picture of constant motion when he is awake.  Exuberance characterizes his every action.   He adapts easily and learns to follow directions quickly.  We've had a few temper tantrums, but they have not lasted long. ...

Brown little arms spontaneously hugging my neck, An ornery grin, A wet kiss planted smack on my mouth, All beautiful gifts after a day of chasing, picking up, and saying "no". Sweet little arms that are often wrapped around my neck. I am having to adjust to this new role.  Being momma to 18 month old Baby Boy wears me out.  We haven't had a toddler around the house for 10 years.  I had my last baby when I was 28.  Now I am 41.  A couple nights I have been so tired I cried. Baby Boy runs everywhere.  After holding him my body feels like I've been in a wrestling match.  He wiggles and does not hold still.  When he's tired though, he lets me cuddle and rock him.  That is a precious gift.  Baby Boy takes a two hour nap and sleeps from 8 p.m. until 7 a.m.  So God also blessed me with being able to get enough sleep. God continues to sustain.  Our children step in when I need them most.  My husband is there to hol...

On the second day Little Girl was with us I sang to her "Jesus Loves Me" and told her how I used to sing it over and over to Amber when she was little and sad.  Little Girl really liked hearing that story.  She was feeling sad too.  I asked her if she had ever heard that song, and she said, "No." Night times are Little Girl's sad time.  She misses her Grandma then, and she misses her first foster mommy.  We started praying to God that he would help her not be sad.  Now we have to pray that every night at bedtime.  It is an important part of the bedtime ritual.  Two books, hugs and kisses, prayer time, and then listening to Your Story Hour Bible stories on CD makes for lots of distraction to keep the sad thoughts away. We also have started reading Bible stories a couple times a day.  Little Girl does not seem to know any of them.  Today as I was reading about creation Little Girl asked me, "Who is God?" My heart hurts that this prec...

How quickly I've forgotten what life with a baby is like.  I woke up at 6:30 planning to sneak downstairs for my quiet time.  Baby Boy pops up in the crib.  I lay back down thinking just maybe he would go back to sleep.  Fifteen minutes later and no such luck.  He pops back up as soon as I move.  I give up at 7:00 and head downstairs with Baby Boy.  He's such a good little guy though.  He doesn't fuss when he wakes up.  He just waits for me to get up.  However, he is insistent on getting up once I'm up. So downstairs in the recliner I cuddle him and give him his breathing treatment.  As soon as that's done and the diaper is changed, he's off and playing.  I get out my Bible and start in on my Bible study.  I never did get a chance to finish today.  That's ok though.  God supplies all that I need even when our time gets short changed.  Right now I'm going through Beth Moore's study Believing God .  I...

Life changes quickly sometimes.  A phone call last Thursday.  Agreement to take a foster care respite case for the weekend.  Case was for two children who will possibly be confirmed adoptive before long.  A four year old girl and 17 month old boy.  Enjoyed the little girl.  Loved rocking baby boy.  Could so easily fall in love. Children left Sunday.  Wake up Monday morning at 5:00 a.m.  Can't sleep.  Get up and pray.  So many questions.  Searched Scripture and prayed.  "Lord, I don't know what is best.  I don't know the future.  But I know the One who does.  Choosing to trust you." Phone rings.  9:00 a.m.  Need to move the children Wednesday.  Can you take them?  Unknown as to adoptive status until August 1. As of Wednesday we welcomed two sweet ones into our home.  Loving them as our own.  Praying for God's will for their lives and ours. How are we doing?  Good....

I look at the pictures. Maybe I shouldn't. My heart strings are pulled Sweet faces, Longing eyes, Unknown futures. Everyone needs a place called home, unconditional love, safety and security, warm arms around them, God's grace. Face after face haunt me. Statistics dance before me. 104,200 children in foster care Needing adopted. Needing a home. Will they see God? Know God? Feel God through another's touch? Or will they reject him because no one cared? No one was His hands and feet? Photo from freedigitalphotos.net  Looking is like shopping. We can't resist forever. God's tug is greater still. We must follow. He works in us And through us. This time... We are not naive. We are not blind. We know the joys. We know the pain. We know the struggles. Yet we move on... Prodded by our children Whose tender hearts Begged us to once again Open our hearts, Open our home. Yo...