Mother of Seven + 2

I was glancing back through my journal that I am about to close and stash away with many others when I found these words that I wrote in June of 2019.  I vividly remember penning these words through tears as I tried to come to terms with my husband's plans to change ministries.  This was a very personal and lonely struggle for me.  I share now only to say there are hard changes in life sometimes, but they become opportunities for growth.  I needed to struggle in the shadow of the cross.  There were things in my life that needed fully submitted to Him.   I learned that it is in complete surrender that peace is found .  It is hard to describe that peace and why it is there.  Perhaps that is why we find these words penned by the apostle Paul in Philippians 4: 6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all und...

I want to be sought after. Pursue me I want to be loved.  Spend time with me I want to be heard. Listen to me RELATIONSHIP I want relationship, fellowship, communion. It is the craving of my soul. It was there.  In the Garden long ago. God loved his creation. He desired to spend time with them. He sought them out. He talked with them in the cool of the day. It was a time of holy communion. It was sweet fellowship. It was the relationship that God desired. RELATIONSHIP It was the intent of their God. It was the reason man was created. But it was broken. The relationship. The fellowship. The sweet communion. SIN It severed. It destroyed. It killed. And this is the struggle of life.   A craving for relationship. And sin that separates. Sin that tells me lies. Sin that whispers, "You will not surely die." Instead of chasing my Maker. Instead of filling up on Him. I fill my belly with forbidden fruit... Relationships Possessions Entertainment Mon...

My heart cries out My spirit weeps The tears fall to my feet Many are lost Some have strayed And for them I pray May they hear your voice Be held in peace Surrounded by your love Let salvation be found from You alone Our only God and Savior I can cry I can pray Beg salvation on this day But the choice It is Yours,  Not mine Offered freely by our Lord Oh, if my prayers lifted up and my tears were enough to save you His blood cries out to cover you Your pain he longs to make his own Your wounds he wants to heal Listen, listen, listen His love is calling you Listen, listen, listen His Word speaks truth to you Oh, if my prayers lifted up and my tears were enough to save you My heart beats this prayer...

Gazing at my toes through clear rippling water Delight bubbles up within me Peace soothes my anxious heart Water sparkles The sun glances off Its coolness washing reviving A shimmering delight cascading over rocks shouting a symphony of praise Downward it tumbles Rushing back to years long past Another man sat by a brook The land of Israel gripped by famine God withheld the rain The brook provided drink The birds brought food The servant was sustained Sin brought hunger hardship But God did not forget The God who sees who hears provides had met him at the brook Again there is a famine A hunger of the soul Emptiness consumes And brokenness destroys Our faithful God doth still sustain As strength is granted Pain is soothed Heart is mended   And Spirit once more overflows The water 'round my legs Clear Cool Cleansing Reflection of my God...

Windows rattled. The winter wind blew. The cold seeped in. It chilled my skin. Fear slipped inside. Icy fingers wrapped 'round my heart. Its lies were whispered to my soul as it bid me come into its hole. Paralyzing my thoughts, ensnaring my spirit, it promised my heart to fill, and it drew me in against my will. Darkness closed in. The cold burrowed deeper. Shivers coursed through me. Succumbing, I felt no strength to flee. With captivating power fear pulled me deep inside. No warmth within was found. Instead a barren prison did surround. I shouted in pain, beating the air with my cries. Love had gone awry, and I determined no more to try. Exhaustion at last took hold. I lay on my tear-spent bed, with eyes swollen and drained, my heart frozen and pained. Then a gentle Spirit whisper I heard through the bars of fear. A voice call from above... "There is no fear in love" I roused my weary head...

Working in my kitchen Hearing children's voices at play Feet thumping up back steps Door thrown open Four year old palm grasping treasure Plunks it upon the counter A crushed dandelion the first this spring gazes up at me Excited words spoken hurriedly "Hey, mom, I picked this dandelion just for you." Then back out the door he dashes Only an hour later I look upon the bloom Now withered with petals curling inward And it hits me Time is fleeting Little boy today Grown tomorrow and gone Many a dandelion bouquet Handed to me over the years A pure expression of a child's love Laid down to wither Not fully appreciated Put aside thinking there will always be more Wanting to cherish these moments For tomorrow is flying by Let me hold this flower of motherhood And soak up the love it contains For the days of dandelions in grubby hands Are fading as the sun begins to set