Mother of Seven + 2

The past four months have been the hardest in our lives.  A couple of our boys are going through what we hope and pray is only a season of rebellion and finding themselves.  I cannot share the depths of our pain or theirs, because I respect the privacy of our children. However, I can testify to what God has done when our world has been broken and shattered. God has walked beside me each step of the way .  I realize more fully what Christ has done for me. The agony of the cross became real.  Suffering because of sin brought me to my knees.  And I am grateful not to be alone.  I do not travel a path where he has not been. God has shown me the way to find peace is through praising Him .  In the dark of the night, when sleep would not come I would read in the Psalms and cry out to the Lord along with David.  I noticed David often turned to praising God.  When I did the same quietly singing praise songs to God, peace would come to my sou...

In the midst of a storm plants are bent low flattened to the ground. Petals on flowers  strewn in the puddles their beauty washed away. Rain like tears  gathers in pools sometimes rushes in torrents. Text message: "You are on my heart.  Praying for you all day as I am planting flowers and thinking of all your children." Light breaks through the clouds Peace enters my heart Tears cease falling. I am reminded... Storms will end Plants will lift their heads New flowers will bloom. The storm the rain prunes the weak. The storm  the rain brings new strength. The storm  the rain nourishes the roots. The storm the rain enables fresh beauty to burst forth. Patiently I planted watered and tended seeds God has given me. Others are transplants special gifts in need of tender care. Plants have grown and I have loved nurturing them with pride. Now I must trust Him the...

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?..." Isa. 49:15a  Bonding begins naturally in the womb.  It happens as an infant suckles at his mother's breast.  In the dark of the night as a fussy infant snuggles close and the smell of parent and child mingle, the bond tightens.  This process of bonding happens as naturally as we breathe. In adoption bonding also occurs, but it begins in a different way.  It began for me with a vision and a prayer for children not yet my own.  I loved before I ever knew.  Then just as with all children the bond and love grew as we lived life together.  In recent months we have encountered some challenges.  As I watch one of my children struggle my heart is pained.  It hurts deeply for them.  I want to protect.  I want to shelter.  The reality...I no longer can. I cannot forget the early days.  The pain my child had gone through r...

Our family is encountering a particularly tough time.  I will not recount any particulars because I respect my children's privacy.  However, at a time when emotions are raw, I'm learning how great is the love of my Heavenly Father. When the storm rages the flesh struggles and the heart is pained. When the storm rages doubts arise and the mind cannot comprehend. When the storm rages each breath  becomes a matter of will. When the storm rages nights are sleepless the days an emotional haze. When the storm rages conversations ensue questions need answers. "Lord, I feel betrayed." "My daughter, I was betrayed." "Lord, I gave my love." "My daughter, I gave my Son." "Lord, I poured my life into him." "My daughter, I poured my life out for you." "Lord, I can't." "My daughter, I can." When the storm rages He is there My God i...

It is always hard for me to decide what to publish on my blog.  I want to be real and transparent.  Yet I must protect my family and especially my children. I really struggled with whether to post "What's in a Name."   It was not my intent to make my son look bad.  I love him with all my heart.  Growing up is difficult.  I remember some of those struggles myself.  I'm sure I made choices and said things that were hurtful to my parents. I decided to go ahead and post because of the lesson this experience taught me.  So many things I learn about myself through my children and parenting.  It's as though my children's relationship with me often reflects my relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I see myself in them. My second reason for posting was because when adoption is involved "identity" can be a big issue for children.  They often feel like they don't "fit" in their adoptive families.  They wonder what it would be like wi...

"Hey, Mom, do you want to read this?" my son said as he handed me his ipad. "What is it?" I questioned. "It's my obituary.  We had to write one for an assignment in English." I glance down and the name at the top jumps out at me. It glares at me, and that's all I see.  Our son's name...but he has written down his last name from birth.  Not our last name...the one we were so proud to give him eight years ago when his adoption was finalized. I read through the rest of the obituary, but I don't remember a word of what it said.  I was stuck on the name at the top.  I was hurt.  I was angry. I asked him why he hadn't used our last name.  He said something about his birth family being his "real" family. I had to walk away. Even writing about this a couple weeks after it happened, I have to hold back tears.  There is still pain there.  However, God has given me understanding.  Our son is a teenager struggling with h...