Mother of Seven + 2

I looked across the table at my oldest three children still at home, and concern filled my heart. Each morning at breakfast we read a short Bible passage together, discuss it, and pray.  It only takes fifteen minutes.  One child drifts off to sleep, another stares at the clock as if waiting for it to be over, and another is petting the dog.  They are not engaged.  It's the daily morning routine.  It's the waiting for Dad to quit rambling so we can get on with the day. I desperately long for them to begin finding delight in His Word.  I want them to look forward to our family worship time together.  However, I remember growing up and family devotions with my dad.  I can't say my attitude was much different then theirs.  Fortunately, I was blessed with a dad who persisted despite my attitude.  It taught me what was most important.  It taught me how to prioritize time with God.  It showed me the way. I sat there praying for ...

I was working in the kitchen when eight year old, Avarie, came running inside and grabbed me around the waist. Her arms held tight as big tears rolled down her face and she sobbed, "Mommy, I did something really evil."  I don't connect the word "evil" with a child.  So I laughed softly to myself and hugged her tightly.  I told her that she probably needed to talk to God about it.  Then I disengaged her arms to stir the hamburger browning on the stove top.  She insistently pulled me by the arm and said, "Come on, mommy, we have to talk about this."  She wanted to be alone where no one could hear. Because I had food cooking, I sent everyone out of the kitchen and asked her to explain to me what she had done. It took some time, but she finally started explaining the whole upsetting situation.  She had been outside playing when a squirrel started to cross the road.  However, a car was coming and our animal loving daughter was worried it w...

The time of year is quickly approaching where there is a lot of focus on materialism.  The ads begin flooding the mail.  The commercials inundate us with the latest gadget we need .  And every year I get frustrated because a great deal of conversation amongst our children gets focused on what I want . Two years ago we came up with "The Notebook" to help ease my stress and frustration.  We use "The Notebook" in two different ways.  The first way is for each child to have a place where they can list things they would like for their birthdays or Christmas.  These are running lists that they add to all year.  They mostly contain sports items, electronic games, legos, art supplies, and books.  When a special occasion rolls around, we look at the list and figure out what things we would like to buy.  In addition, it is also helpful to refer to when Grandma calls and wants to know what she should buy. The Notebook.  As you can tell it's h...

This year I struggled a bit with wanting to start the school year.  Last year the whining and complaining, huffing and puffing, rolling the eyes and slamming into the chair stuff really was wearing me thin by the end of the year.  I was not anxious to start again.  I wanted to enjoy my children, but this attitude junk definitely did not spell out enjoyment.  It stressed me and made me anxious to just let them loose so I could get away from them. I worked and worked at not letting these attitudes occur.  There was discipline.  There were gentle reminders and sometimes not so gentle reminders.  There was practice of a proper response after an inappropriate response.  There were Scriptures memorized.   Despite my efforts it felt like I was banging my head against the wall.  Children can unwillingly conform on the outside, but the attitude still dwells on the inside.  It continues to seep out, but many times it just spills out al...

It was a lazy Saturday morning.  No one rolled out of bed much before 8:00 a.m.  It was nearly 9:00 by the time I called the troops to breakfast.  They came thumping down the stairs with everyone talking at once.  As we were taking our seats around the breakfast table, Troy looked up at his dad and noticed a problem. "Um, dad, you have something white on your face." "No, I don't.  I just looked in the mirror and there was nothing there." Troy reaches towards his dad's face to show him.  Dad pulls his head back.  "Back off.  There's nothing on my face.  You're just pulling my leg."   By this time the chatter has died down and everyone is looking at Dad.  Kayt chimes in, "Seriously, dad, there is something on your forehead." The agitated response fired back, "Now guys, I just took a shower.  I get clean in the shower unlike some of you.  I looked in the mirror.  And I know there is nothing on my face." A...

"Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:43-45 As summer began, I found myself frustrated. The children were fighting more, as they had more time on their hands. They did their chores cheerfully most the time, but if I needed some extra help, I was met with groans and complaints. In thinking about the problem, I realized the root of it was selfishness. It was all about what each individual wanted and not about what was good for the family as a whole. And quite frankly speaking everyone was unhappy. I remembered an acronym I learned as a young girl. J esus first. O thers second. Y ourself last. For our family Bible time one morning we talked about joy and service to God. Then I set up a "Joy Bag." The challenge was to write on a sli...

This has been a month of conflicting emotions for me.  I'm happy.  I'm sad.  I'm proud.  I'm teary.  I'm at peace.  I'm emotional.  How to explain it?  I'm not sure. My oldest son, Ryan, finishes high school next week.  I'm proud of him and his accomplishments.  He's finishing at the top of his class in his on-line high school.   He's way smarter then me when it comes to math, science, music, and computers. I'm happy because I have confidence that the choices he's made will take him far in life.  He's chosen to be a man of character.  Most importantly, he puts God first in his life.  There is nothing that could bring this mom greater happiness. Starting his life with Jesus. So, why the tears?  I guess they are mostly happy tears.  But there are sad tears there too.  There is a little selfish spot deep inside me that is sad for me.  Sad that life is changing.  Sad because I k...

Image: Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net Having the right words to say and setting a good example will go a long ways in parenting, but children will still need something more. My children sure don’t behave just because I talk to them. They need reinforcement for the truths coming from my lips and the truth being lived out in my life. I have a football lover in my home. I have told him over and over not to wear his good clothes and shoes to play football. I have always set a good example by wearing play clothes for play and work clothes for work. Still he heedlessly persists in coming in with grass stains on brand new jeans, holes ripped in his good shirts, and good shoes with the soles torn off. He is in need of learning from discipline. Paying for some new clothing may be needed to reinforce my words and example. Finish out the article on Parenting by the Book Pt. 3 at Raising Arrow s .  This article discusses the dreaded "D" word...Discipline. ...

 As I stand peeling potatoes, my peaceful thoughts are interrupted by screaming in the next room. “You’re ugly.” “Well, you’re uglier, and I’m never going to play with you again.” I quickly rinse my hands and put on my referee shirt. Standing between the two opposing parties, I try to get to the bottom of the situation. However, I’m irritated. I’ve been forced to stop what I’m doing. The children are being irrational, and it is taking too long to establish peace. Suddenly, I’m yelling too, “You kids never think about the other person. It’s all about you. Won’t you ever learn to treat each other kindly? Yelling and screaming is no way to…….” I gulp and shut my mouth. The children look at me with huge eyes as I realize I’m acting just like them. I’m certainly not being an example of what I was saying. Finish reading Part 2 of Parenting by The Book at Raising Arrows .  It's all about teaching by example. Image: Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net  Sleep escapes me as I stare into the darkness wrapped snugly about me. Thoughts are whirling through my mind like a merry-go-round that won’t stop turning. “Why didn’t I listen better to my troubled child today? How should I have handled his dishonesty differently? Why did I yell? Will these children grow up despite my shortcomings as a parent?” A blanket of doubt begins to smother me. During my growing up years, there were many things I could do well. I loved school and tended to be an overachiever. Handcrafts and sewing came easily. Cooking was as natural as breathing to me. For the most part, if I set my mind to something I could do it. Then I married and began having children. Parenting has been the most humbling and daunting task I have encountered. This is the beginning of a series of articles I wrote for my friend Amy at Raising Arrows over a year ago.  Thought I would share links to this three part series this ...

I have a confession to make.  I am a control freak.   Ok, that was a little hard for me to say.  But now you know.  I wouldn't want to be the captain of a boat during a storm and have to rely on the lighthouse signal to keep me safe.  That would make me feel like things were out of my control. Parenting can be difficult for control freaks.  (Actually, that is probably an understatement.)  Somehow children are born with wills of their own.  They are all about being in control themselves.  So comes the clash of the wills.  Is the parent or the child going to get their way?  Having a child with RAD whose main struggle is to fight for control of everything, has brought this control freak to her knees. This past week I spent each day praying and asking God to help me give my son more control of his actions so he can learn to choose correct behaviors for himself. One challenge that came my way was the feeding of the dog. ...

After yesterday's post,  I thought I would share one of the methods for teaching kindness that I tried last year. Over the years I had tried numerous solutions to teach kindness. When I heard unkind words, I had the children say something kind about the person they hurt. When something mean was done, I would have them do an act of kindness for that person. If they were concerned about being first, I had them let the other person be first. I even tried having them write Ephesians 4:32 ten times after an offense. They all know how to spell every single word in that verse!  I remember one of the boys at the age of nine being quite proud of the fact he could spell "compassionate." :0) However, here is the idea that came about out of sheer desperation on my part. If you are unkind to each other you will: Hold hands for 10 minutes. Get to choose one activity to do with the other. Then you will spend 20 minutes each playing with the other person in their activity.  Th...

Sometimes I get sick of the fighting and selfishness that is so prevalent some days in my house.  I think I'll scream if I hear another, "He pushed me, he kicked me first,  or he took what I was playing with."  And if I see someone shove past someone on the stairs, take the coveted seat in the living room, or grab the biggest cookie I think I just might do something crazy.  I've contemplated whether I get bent out of shape too easily over things that are natural for kids to do. Then I was reading from I John 4:7,8 which says, "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love." This loving business sounds mighty important, and showing kindness is an act of love. Continuing on in I John 4: 9, 10 it says, "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live throu...

With a new school year starting, I've been getting organized to make life run a little more smoothly.  Part of the organization is to assign daily chores.   It took me several years to come up with a good system that worked for our family. Each child has a chore card for each day of the week.  The daily chores are written out on each card.  These chores are the same week after week.  I change the chores about once a year.  I change it up so they can learn to do a new task, but I don't change it frequently because it takes more time and effort on my part to teach the new child the responsibility. The Chore Cards.  The child's name is written on one side.  The other side lists the day and its chores.  It doesn't take long before the children have their chores memorized.  The cards just become a reference point for mom when she sees something isn't getting done. The Chore Card filing system.  Each child has a slot to keep...

In June I recommended the game, Manners for Mealtimes , that has helped our family.  With that game, the children would have to "pay" for each manners violation. Since that time I have made our own version of the game which I have found to be more effective with my teenage and pre-teen boys.  What inspired me to work on this again was that one of my boys informed their grandma and aunt that they didn't always have to say "please".  (I couldn't believe he said that.)  Somehow we have not developed the habit of "please" and "thank you".  Instead the children only said it when they were reminded.  Of course, I didn't always catch it when they forgot.  So in their minds it was optional. I listed the five manners on a sheet of paper that our family needed to work on the most.  They are: 1.  Say "please" and "thank you" (without being reminded). 2.  Let dad and mom control mealtime conversation.  Speak only to ask ...

Sometimes it can be downright embarrassing to have company over.  I have looked across the table to see one of my children shoveling the food in with his fingers.  On another occasion I caught grandma discreetly trying to wipe some food off her shirt that her grandchild had splattered on her.  Or there was the time one of the boys spit food on the company while talking with his mouth full. I tried to teach the children table manners but I was met with groans and complaints when correcting them.  Finally I invested in a little game entitled Manners for Mealtimes .  It comes with two sets of cards.  There are 10 cards in each set.  The cards have manners listed on them, and they are laminated in order to protect them while in use at the dinner table.  The first set of cards has basic manners on them like "No rude noises."  The second set of cards adds more manners to the first set like "Always thank your hostess for the meal."  Each fa...

Laundry, laundry, laundry... it was always lying around.  My patience with articles of clothing stuffed behind beds, under beds, in beds, and just plain left in the middle of the floor often ran thin.  I tried many solutions to teach the children to put their dirty clothing in their laundry bags in their rooms.  However, one of my boys simply didn't seem to care. He didn't care if I charged him a quarter per article of clothing.  He was soon broke, and he could no longer pay. He didn't care if his clothes didn't get washed.  He just wore them dirty. I finally found a solution that worked from the book Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel.  Here it is: "For every article of dirty clothing left on the floor rather then placed in the hamper, have your child make five trips from the place where the clothes were dropped to the washing machine, hamper, or utility room.  The child must pick up the clothes, walk downstairs, put the article in the hamp...

Today I was being begged once again to allow a couple of my boys to be able to trade some of their toys with each other.  This is something that we put a stop to about four years ago.  I know it seems silly, but I got so tired of the arguments over who a particular toy belonged to.  The guideline we established was that when a child grew tired of a toy they could put it on the "everybody" toy shelf, but there was to be no trading or giving away.  This way any child could enjoy the toy that was no longer wanted by its owner. There were multiple reasons we developed this.  One was that one of our boys is a smooth quick talker.  He'd be a great salesman!  He has a way of talking other siblings out of their toys and trading a much inferior toy of his for it. The guideline was protection for his siblings. Another reason was for the simple fact that the children would change their minds after the trade was made.  Then the big argument or fight would...