Mother of Seven + 2

I have struggled the past six years.  The struggle has been with forgiveness.   I want to think I have forgiven, but it comes back to haunt me over and over. Deep hurt and pain do not go away overnight.  Betrayal changed me.  The "open armed" love that I had embraced life with was replaced with fear of being hurt again.  Depression and anxiety became my companions. How to forgive became the question?  Or was it how to keep forgiving when new wounds were exposed?  How to keep forgiving when the old wounds festered and broke open?  How to forgive when the one who has wronged me does not seek forgiveness? Loving broken children is never easy.  However, I still truly believe every child deserves love and a chance at a better life. Our on-going struggle with Troy who was nearly eight when he came to us was no secret.  He was severely wounded.  We prayed.  We enlisted many to pray with us.  We loved with all we had....

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."  Ephesians 4:32 One of the first verses I memorized as a child was Ephesians 4:32.  I remember my dad telling me how he often had to quote the same verse when he fought with his brother.  Following the family tradition, my children all knew this verse as the "B verse" in our alphabet memory verses.  A fight would break out, and I was ask them to quote the "B verse."  When the fighting didn't stop, they earned the privilege of writing it on paper ten times. One particular child wrote Ephesians 4:32 so many times that at the age of 6, he proudly proclaimed to his grandparents that he could spell the word "compassionate."  Yes.  Yes, he could.  He had much practice.  Being kind was hard for this child, but I often found it much harder as a parent to teach the second portion of this verse. We had many a "face off."  Two angry chil...

This lesson was a challenge for me.  I didn't know how to go about writing it.  During my morning walk a couple mornings, I prayed for God to give me guidance.  Often times something will come to mind while I am in prayer, but nothing did.  I continued to wrestle with this lesson even as I sat down to write it.  Then it came to me how appropriate it was that I was struggling with this topic.  Forgiveness is something we struggle with.  It doesn't come easy.  It feels like a battle of tug-of-war. Photo from www.freedigitalphotos.net "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."   Eph. 4:32 KJV This is one of the first Bible verses I remember memorizing.  My sister called me "dumb or stupid," and I was reminded of Ephesians 4:32.  My brother broke my china teapot, and I was reminded of Ephesians 4:32.  My best friend played with someone bes...

The Connection between Prayer and our Hearts. David was called a man after God's own heart. Many of the Psalms are a record of the prayers and praises of David. He spent much time communicating with God. In order to have hearts modeled after God's, we need to follow David's example of communicating with the one who made us. After all only God can mold our hearts to look like his.  Prayer is essential in an undivided heart. In Psalm 86 we find one of David's prayers. “ Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.” Psalm 86:11 What kind of heart did David ask God for? Make a list of things that can divide our hearts. Photo from www.freedigitalphotos.net What indicates to us where our hearts are? Mt. 6:19-21 “For where your ______________________ is, there your _______________________ will be also.” Looking back at our list of things that divide our hear...

 “ Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.” Psalm 86:11 Photo from www.freedigitalphotos.net When we marry someone, we want their full heart. We want their devotion. We don't want to share it with someone or something else. When Les and I were first married, we didn't have a computer. I worked for a full year babysitting to save enough money to buy our first computer. When we at last bought it, my husband was quiet enamored with it. He spent hours learning it. He would stay up late arranging his files, setting up the desktop, and researching information. I started to get jealous. I lay in bed night after night by myself. I threatened to buy a wig for the computer monitor and name it Fanny. He didn't think that was too funny. Why was I so upset? I felt like something was interfering with his devotion to me. The newness of the computer did wear off eventually and we laugh about those days now,...

Before moving on to lessons about the kind of heart God wants us to have, I'd like to spend some time discussing what an improper guard around our heart would look like. Troy came to our home when he was 7 years old.  He had been badly hurt.  In the past 2 1/2 years he had been in 5 foster homes and had been abused in ways that to this day break my heart.  The one thing he was determined  NOT to do was to love us or to allow us to love him.  The first year was challenging.  He was guarding his heart from ever being hurt again. Troy would get angry and yell at me with tears, "Just call foster care and have them come get me!"  I'd tell him that parents don't do that.  We are given children, and we love them through the hard.  "I don't want you to love me," he would scream.  Over and over we went through this.  Finally one day I took the phone and set it in front of him.  I said, "Troy, if you are that miserable here, you may ...

Photo from www.freedigitalphotos.net Protect means to keep from being damaged, attacked, stolen, or injured; to guard. What types of things do we go to great lengths to protect? How do we protect these things? What should we guard above all else? (Proverbs 4:23) Why? What helps guard our hearts? Proverbs 30:5 (see also II Sam. 22:31; Ps. 18:30) - II Tim. 1:12-14 - Philippians 4:-6-7 Why is there no other effective way to guard our hearts? - Psalm 127:1 Read Psalm 91. This is a beautiful description of God's protection. What are some of the descriptions of God's protection from this passage? Who is promised this protection? What are we protected from? Psalm 119:11 - Eph. 6:10-18 –   Hebrews 2:14-15 – II Pet. 3:17-18 – What makes the Word of God a powerful protector? Psalm 19:7-11 - II Tim. 3:16-17 - Hebrews 4:12-13 - Rev. 19:11-21 - The best ...

When I was in grade school, my grandparents gave me a china tea set. I loved my play dishes. With our dolls gathered around my sister and I enjoyed many a tea party. Each plate and cup was set lovingly on the table. We would gingerly pick the teacups up and sip our pretend tea. When our tea party was over, I carefully washed the dishes and then wrapped them in newspaper and packed them tenderly back in their box. I treasured my tea set. I protected it. My treasured tea set I fear many times that I have put more effort into guarding or protecting earthly possessions then in guarding my spiritual heart. The Scripture tells me, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23) This passage clearly states the importance of guarding the heart. Life comes from the heart. If it is not guarded well, spiritual death can occur.  My heart is the seat of my emotions, attitudes, and character.  It is the location of my thoughts and de...

Our usual way of living life has been turned upside down in recent days.  Thankfully we serve a God who is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  His Word is truth amidst a flood of news in which it is increasingly hard to discern the truth.  According to I Peter 5:8 our enemy, the devil, is always on the prowl seeking whom he can destroy.  That is why we must be alert and put on the armor of God that is described in Ephesians 6:10-18. In a battle the enemy goes for the heart because if he can mortally wound the heart, life will slip away.  Now more then ever we need to understand our spiritual hearts and be prepared for the battle ahead. So grab your Bible and a cup of coffee and sit down and join me for a "heart to heart" study. Study Guide #1 The human heart is a muscle that beats an average of 70 times per minute.  That is 100,000 times a day, 36 million times a year, and 3 billion times in a lifetime.  It's primary job is to keep our blo...

The heart – It is an interesting subject. We all know we have an organ in our body called the heart. Its purpose is to pump blood. This blood as it courses through the body takes impurities out of the body and brings nutrients to the organs that need them. This process is vital in transporting life-giving oxygen throughout the body and carrying carbon dioxide back to the lungs to be expelled from the body. The heart is essential for physical life. If the physical heart fails, physical life ends. Image from FreeDigitalPhotos.net  But the heart that intrigues me is the spiritual heart. We cannot see it. We cannot touch it. Yet it is there. It can be healthy, or it can be sick. When the spiritual heart fails, it can mean eternal death. But when it is healthy and strong, it can mean eternal life. Image from FreeDigitalPhotos.net During the summer of 2011 I went through a period of extreme discouragement. Circumstances in my life were sucking away my joy....

I just found the draft for this post that is a part of my series on the heart.  I never posted it.  There was a reason for that.  I was struggling with having a forgiving heart at the time.  God is good, and I am amazed by his timing.  He provided exactly what I needed through His Word.  I'm praying now that the time is right to share this post with you. "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.  But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector." Matthew 18:15-17 There are times in life when there are wrongs that need dealt with.  These are never easy.  I've been in a few....

“And now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?” Deut. 10:12 If there is an example of someone whose life exemplified service, it is Mother Teresa. For 45 years she ministered to the sick, destitute, and unlovely. She went to the people no one else would care about or even touch—the homeless, the naked, the blind, the leper. She said regarding life and serving,  "Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls."  "People who love each other fully and truly are the happiest people in the world. They may have little, they may have nothing, but they are happy people. Everything depends on how we love one another."  “It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” “Love to be real, it must cost—it mus...

I've been sharing lessons on the heart with a group of ladies from our church.  Perhaps you would be interested in following along.  Today I'm going to post the study guide for the lesson on the Servant's Heart.  I will post that lesson on Wednesday.  I invite you to work through the study guide or perhaps even use it for a woman's Bible study of your own.  Christ offered his salvation freely to me, and I freely offer these to you for use in spreading the good news.  I just ask that you do not take the material and use it for your own personal gain.  It is copyrighted through my blog.  (Note:  I will be back with Money Saving Monday next week.)  Jesus is our prime example of servanthood.  A close look at his life will teach us all about having a servant's heart. Who did Jesus serve? How did Jesus serve? (Just a few examples.) Mark 1:29-34 Mark 7:24-30 Mark 8:1-8 Mark 10:13-16 John 8:3-11; Luke 7:36-...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5,6 Is my heart safe in His hands?  (freedigitalphotos.net) Troy was nearly eight when he came to our home.  He had some trust issues.  He outright did not believe me when I would tell him something—but he especially didn't believe me when I said, “I love you.”  Troy had been through five foster homes in two and a half years.  On top of that he had been devastated when his own parents were unable to keep their promise to him that they would bring him back home.  In two of the foster homes, he had been told they loved him and wanted to adopt him, but then things changed.  One of them went so far as to tell him they wanted Mikey and Amber but not him.  Neither of the homes were able to keep their word because of allegations of abuse.  Troy had no confidence in people ...