Mother of Seven + 2

Worship this past Easter Sunday brought tears.  They were tears of gratefulness for all God has done for me.  They were tears of longing for the coming of Jesus and the final resurrection.  They were tears of joy for the hope that we have through the resurrection of our Savior.  They were even tears of pain being released....pain that is the result of hardship and suffering in this world. This morning I read about the suffering we are called to in Christ. "But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."  I Peter 4:13 My heart is full as I realize that yesterday was just a taste of that glory that will someday be revealed to us.  A small taste of glory...that my soul deeply longs for. The past four years have been difficult for me.  I have watched one son walk away from his family and his faith.  I've watched another son struggle with deep dark depression, and I'...

Through the past two years, I have not blogged much.  My heart has not been in it.  I would sit down to write and all that came out was heartache and grief. There have been so many tears, and whenever I wrote I cried more.  I could not bear it. I have been undergoing a healing process.  I have spent more time soaking up God's Word and letting it fill my heart.  I am learning a lot about prayer.  There is an intense longing in my heart to talk to God.  I can't get away from it. My soul longs for communion and intimacy with my Maker.  God is refilling my well. Sometimes God brings about his healing in mysterious ways.  This school year I began babysitting twins...just little babies and so sweet.  I know it seemed crazy for me to take on something else, but God knew what I needed.  I love babies.  They are calming for me.  They bring peace.  They force me to sit down and relax.  I have spent a lot of time in the...

Last year at this time we had placed one of our boys in a boarding school.  Another of our sons had chosen to leave us and return to his birth family. Though we had not experienced death, we were mourning the loss of two children.  Our hearts were torn apart by sorrow that seemed to never end.  It was a longing to hold them in my arms one more time.  It was a giving up of hopes and dreams. It was an ache that went on and on. When life has changed...how does one live in the new normal?  A year later, I still don't have all the answers.  I can tell you the things that helped me the most. Let yourself grieve .  Our family counselor and a good friend both told me I needed to let myself grieve.  I didn't have to be strong.  That was freeing for me.  And I did grieve.  Some days all I could do was cry.  Even now as I write this, tears surface.  I don't cry as often now.  Most weeks are good.  However, there are sti...

Thinking back as I sit in my quiet spot with my cup of coffee warming my hands....realizing how I have sometimes offered up prayers not understanding the full meaning of the words I spoke. "Lord, I want a life in which I can't live or breathe without you." Bold words.  I said them with noble intent.  I truly wanted every breath that I took to be with Jesus by my side. However, when I am honest I have to admit I wanted Him to be by my side as I lived my chosen life the way I desired.  I wanted to see the way where I was going.  I wanted a storybook life where everything turned out right. As my world spun out of control last year, I came face to face with the reality of the words I had spoken.  There were days I literally could not take the next breath without him.  The life I was so sure God had chosen for us seemed bleak and desperate.  I could not understand. All looked dark.  "Lord, how do I live when I can't see where I am going?" ...