Mother of Seven + 2

It is always hard for me to decide what to publish on my blog.  I want to be real and transparent.  Yet I must protect my family and especially my children. I really struggled with whether to post "What's in a Name."   It was not my intent to make my son look bad.  I love him with all my heart.  Growing up is difficult.  I remember some of those struggles myself.  I'm sure I made choices and said things that were hurtful to my parents. I decided to go ahead and post because of the lesson this experience taught me.  So many things I learn about myself through my children and parenting.  It's as though my children's relationship with me often reflects my relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I see myself in them. My second reason for posting was because when adoption is involved "identity" can be a big issue for children.  They often feel like they don't "fit" in their adoptive families.  They wonder what it would be like with their

"Hey, Mom, do you want to read this?" my son said as he handed me his ipad. "What is it?" I questioned. "It's my obituary.  We had to write one for an assignment in English." I glance down and the name at the top jumps out at me. It glares at me, and that's all I see.  Our son's name...but he has written down his last name from birth.  Not our last name...the one we were so proud to give him eight years ago when his adoption was finalized. I read through the rest of the obituary, but I don't remember a word of what it said.  I was stuck on the name at the top.  I was hurt.  I was angry. I asked him why he hadn't used our last name.  He said something about his birth family being his "real" family. I had to walk away. Even writing about this a couple weeks after it happened, I have to hold back tears.  There is still pain there.  However, God has given me understanding.  Our son is a teenager struggling with h

A little comment from my husband, "I think we are falling behind on the budget."  A trip to the grocery store.  The price of milk up to $4.50 a gallon.  I can't afford the hamburger at over $4.00 a pound.  I opt for chicken. It is time to fill up the tank on the van.  Well over $100 is guzzled by that hungry beast.  My husband makes the hard choice to skip one of Troy's football games to save a little gas money. I see the college bills.  Yikes!  Thankful for responsible children who are working hard to pay their own way, but I sure would like to be able to help out more. Then it happens.  I start to worry.  I know I shouldn't.  God has always taken care of us.  I persist in my worry.  Fretting and even complaining.  I didn't deserve grace.  God gave it anyway, just like he did for those Israelites wandering in the desert so many years ago.  A friend stopped by out of the blue.  She said, "I have this coat.  It's brand new.  It hasn't e

When I have hardly blogged over the last year, it is hard to know where to start.  I want to start by giving thanks though.  I am thankful to my heavenly Father who has provided some answers for me with my health. Over the past several years, I have struggled with fatigue.  When I mentioned it to our doctor on a couple different occasions he just laughed and said, "You have how many children???"  As if that explained it all. Recently I visited a nurse practitioner who specializes in natural hormone replacement therapy.  She did blood work and found my hormone levels to be extremely low.  She started me on some natural hormones, and that seemed to help some.  However, when I went back a month later, I told her I still felt like I was more tired then what was natural. I had energy first thing in the morning.  By lunch time, I needed a nap.  Even after a nap, I would struggle to find energy to get supper and wrap up the day's activities.  Sometimes I would just hit a w

I have found myself prone to tears at any given moment for the past few days.  Life is changing once again.  We helped Kayt move into her college dorm room this past Thursday.  It seems ironic that I can be happy for and proud of my daughter and sad all at the same time. Perhaps this time has been a little more challenging then when Ryan left two years ago.  Kayt is having a harder time.  She is homesick and trying hard to be brave and strong.  That makes it harder for me.  The momma in me wants to fix it all right now.  However, being homesick is something each person has to work through at some point.  I remember the feeling.  It takes time. I am thankful I have been given the privilege of having a daughter whom I miss desperately.  God gave me a wonderful gift.  She has been a rock in our lives.  She is steady and loves God deeply.  I'm wondering what God has planned for her.  I'm excited about what she will do for him with her life. My head acknowledges the blessi

On a walk this evening I watched my youngest daughter  dance as she chased the cottonwood seeds blowing through the air. I heard our little boy's quick intake of breath as he looked in awe at a bunny crouched in the grass. My oldest daughter was beside me Neither one of us feeling the need to talk Just were content to be together Enjoying the beautiful evening. Dancing with abandon Awed at his creation Walking together in sweet fellowship  And I wonder if this is a glimpse of heaven...

"How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." Psalm 84:1-2 A day spent in prayer My oldest son so far away in Baltimore Remembering a friend who is in labor Another friend has lost his dad Someone just found out they have cancer And my children...how much I desire for them to be faithful "Lord, be with them" So much to talk to God about As I folded laundry petitions were sent up With each dish that was washed a prayer was said Wiping the dust from the dresser top the conversation continued Remembering the Word says to ....pray continually. Communion with the Almighty what a privilege Yet so many days go by And I forget Am caught up in me, myself, and I. And it is I who misses out I walk alone rather then with my Shield and Protector. The sweetness of the day The peace in my soul Reminds

Saturday was a big day for Kaytlin.  After attending IQ Academy throughout her high school years, it was graduation day.  In a crowd, Kaytlin is shy and reserved and hates to be in the spotlight.  However, due to her academic achievement, she was valedictorian of her class of 39 students from across the state of Kansas.  This meant she had the honor and privilege of addressing her classmates and several hundred people in attendance.  To say the least, we were proud of her achievements, but mostly we were proud of her courage to stand up and speak out about her faith in God.  I thought a few of you might enjoy reading her speech, as many were not able to travel and be at her graduation. Being introduced before her speech Kaytlin's Valedictory Address   Do you remember what it was like to be 5, 10, or 15? Our journey through childhood is like a mountain. As children, adulthood seemed so far away, like a snowy summit covered in cloud. Then we hit our senior year, and we

There is never a dull moment in our home with children who often learn by doing.  Many times I am thankful that they have lived to tell about it.  Here are just a few of the lessons that have been learned at our house by our children and, well, I guess, I'll admit a couple of the lessons were learned by my husband and I.  Don't leave the sprinkler running and forget about it!  Your children might change colors. 1.  When mom says, "Don't put your finger in the steam coming out of the vent hole in the canner," it might be a good idea to listen. 2.  The trash can setting outside filled with bleach water does not make good drinking water. 3.  When you get gasoline on your hand while filling the mower, take time to get a rag rather then licking it off. 4.  The different colors of flakes in the fish food have different flavors. 5.  When you are ten feet up in a tree and can't get down, dropping out is not a good option. 6.  Using your hammers to pu

The changes in our family have been a blessing, but at the same time a huge adjustment.  My husband daily asks me, "How are you?" and my standard answer is, "Tired."  Yesterday I had a few quite hours to myself.  I went to the park and prayed and in that quiet time God gently spoke to me.  No, it wasn't an audible voice...it was just in the stillness that he brought to mind His Word.  He comforted me and reminded me that He is great and mighty, and He will do far more then I will ever dream or imagine. freedigitalphotos.net So tired. Feeling like I live moment to moment Unprepared for what lies ahead. Missing control, neatness, and order in my life. Stomach often knotted, Brain incapable of sorting it out. Activities, Schooling, Appointments, Needs, Demands, Conflicts, Discipline and Training. Laundry, Cooking, Cleaning, Husband, Children, Friends. Piling up, Gathering into a growing, teetering mass. And just one more pebble add

In July we welcomed  Miss Avarie Age 4   and  Kaishawn Age 18 months   into our hearts and home.   Avarie is a little princess loving to play pretend.   Kaishawn is a worker staying busy every moment.   These blessings grew over the past 8 months,   Just as the love in our hearts grew too.   We played together.   We worked together.   Growing up   Becoming a family   The Big Day Arrived April 7, 2014 and the kids waited for the judge  with their adoption bears.   Dad and Mom were so excited!   The judge said, "It is final!"   We proudly present to you God's blessings to us Avarie Faith Nicole and  Kaishawn Paul Lamar   Resting peacefully in the love of the Lord knowing He has had and will continue to have all things in his hands.

The big day is almost here.  Monday morning at 11:00 a.m. is adoption finalization at the court house.  Our family is ready. We were blessed with tremendous workers from the foster care agencies we worked for this time around.  Our family worker from DCCCA and the children's worker from St. Francis went above and beyond the call of duty.  We are grateful to them.  DCCCA worked hard to find a match that was the right fit for our family.  St. Francis laid out a plan to accomplish all tasks needed for adoption to happen as quickly as possible. God is good! Although we are ready for life to resume in a normal fashion, we will miss our workers.  In a sense they became a part of our family.  They cared about Baby Boy and Little Girl, who have become precious gifts in our lives.  That means a lot to us.  Without their work, we wouldn't have these children. I will be the first one to tell you that there are a lot of things messed up in the foster care system.  Although, I will al

It was one of those nights.  After collapsing in bed exhausted, I woke up at 1:30 a.m. unable to go back to sleep.  My brain woke up, and it wouldn't shut off. I lay in the dark staring at the ceiling.  Tears slipped quietly down my cheeks as I tried not to disturb my husband.  My brain struggled to rationalize, my heart hurt, and my stomach was twisted tight. In moments like these I often think God put the Psalms in the Bible just for me.  I can relate to so many of David's cries to the Lord.  There are times when I feel alone.  I feel like I am surrounded by the enemy, and I wonder where God is.  (I know...probably not the words you would expect from a minister's wife.  But I am human.) The dark of the night is when soul searching prayers are cried out.  It's just me and the Lord.  Last night after an hour or so, I knew I desperately needed sleep.  I asked the Lord to please just let me have peace in knowing everything is in his hands.  I wanted to feel his pres

Songs make me cry sometimes.  By the time I reach my 60's I will probably be crying through every worship service.  Standing in church this morning singing "10,000 Reason" I hear my sweet Little Girl standing behind me by Grandma singing at the top of her lungs, "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul. Oh my soul. Worship his holy name. Sing like never before, O my soul. I'll worship your holy name." And the tears gathered in my eyes.  "You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger Your name is great, and Your heart is kind For all Your goodness I will keep on singing Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find." Little Girl is one of my 10,000 reasons.  Her and Baby Boy.  Just this week we finished up the majority of the adoption process.  On Monday we went for the reading of the records, a case plan meeting, subsidy negotiations, and the BIG signing of the adoptive placement agreement.  It now goes to our attorney and then to court fo

Fear.  A force that often controls our actions.    Little Girl has an intense fear.  It is the fear that she will be taken from her family.  It is understandable.  Each month when her case worker comes to visit, we face this challenge.  It took me awhile to catch on to what was going on, but I finally realized a pattern of negative behaviors was associated with each visit. One month she was acting up and the case worker said to her, "That isn't very nice."   She promptly replied, "I'm listening to the serpent."  That took me aback.  I had to explain that we had read about Adam and Eve in the garden and how the serpent had tempted Eve.  The case worker chuckled and the visit went on. The next month she was a drama queen, crying and hiding in my lap.  Nothing seemed to calm her.  The case worker commented that she tends to bring out the worst in the kids she manages. In December we met the worker at Baby Boy's appointment with his asthma specialist

Woke up this morning to our sweet Baby Boy's call from his room, "Mama."  Realistically he's not a baby.  He'll be turning two in February.  Playing silly games with him, cuddling him in my arms, singing to him as I tuck him in bed are all moments I treasure.  His sweet but ornery smile brightens our days.  I cannot imagine life without him.  Praying adoption finalization will take that nagging fear away.  Five months down and one to go before we can begin the legal process. Little Girl was extra tired tonight.  I helped her bathe and put on her warm flannel pajamas.  Then she snuggled down into her new bedding that she got for Christmas.  We read our Bible story and prayed together.  Then she asked, "Mama, can we talk."  She always likes to talk at bedtime.  Tonight she told me how she missed her grandma.  We hugged and I told her how she was special because she had a grandma a long ways away that loved her, but that she also had a mommy, daddy, and l