I lay in the dark staring at the ceiling. Tears slipped quietly down my cheeks as I tried not to disturb my husband. My brain struggled to rationalize, my heart hurt, and my stomach was twisted tight.
In moments like these I often think God put the Psalms in the Bible just for me. I can relate to so many of David's cries to the Lord. There are times when I feel alone. I feel like I am surrounded by the enemy, and I wonder where God is. (I know...probably not the words you would expect from a minister's wife. But I am human.)
The dark of the night is when soul searching prayers are cried out. It's just me and the Lord. Last night after an hour or so, I knew I desperately needed sleep. I asked the Lord to please just let me have peace in knowing everything is in his hands. I wanted to feel his presence to remove the ache in my heart.
My body soon began to relax. I didn't hear an audible voice. However, I sensed him speaking to my heart telling me, "You know I am here. Through Baby Boy I wrap my arms around you. I am in the kisses he gently puts on the tip of your nose. I am in his laughter and silly antics. I am there when Little Girl wraps her arms around your legs and proclaims her love for 'mommy.' As you hold her in your arms for cuddle time, I am there holding you." God heard my prayer. He saw my tears.
|Photo from freedigitalphotos.net|
“Record my lament;
list my tears on your scroll -
are they not in your record?”
My daughter, Kaytlin, had just written a short story that she had shared with me on Sunday. God reminded me of his presence through her story as well. As I drifted back to sleep, I sent up a prayer of thanks to God who used my children to reassure me of his presence.
God is "The Tear Master" through the midst of a dark and lonely night. So thankful to serve a God who sees me.
(If you would like to read Kaytlin's story, click on the link above.)