Tuesday, March 11, 2014

He Sees Me

It was one of those nights.  After collapsing in bed exhausted, I woke up at 1:30 a.m. unable to go back to sleep.  My brain woke up, and it wouldn't shut off.

I lay in the dark staring at the ceiling.  Tears slipped quietly down my cheeks as I tried not to disturb my husband.  My brain struggled to rationalize, my heart hurt, and my stomach was twisted tight.

In moments like these I often think God put the Psalms in the Bible just for me.  I can relate to so many of David's cries to the Lord.  There are times when I feel alone.  I feel like I am surrounded by the enemy, and I wonder where God is.  (I know...probably not the words you would expect from a minister's wife.  But I am human.)

The dark of the night is when soul searching prayers are cried out.  It's just me and the Lord.  Last night after an hour or so, I knew I desperately needed sleep.  I asked the Lord to please just let me have peace in knowing everything is in his hands.  I wanted to feel his presence to remove the ache in my heart.

My body soon began to relax.  I didn't hear an audible voice.  However, I sensed him speaking to my heart telling me, "You know I am here.  Through Baby Boy I wrap my arms around you.  I am in the kisses he gently puts on the tip of your nose.  I am in his laughter and silly antics.  I am there when Little Girl wraps her arms around your legs and proclaims her love for 'mommy.'  As you hold her in your arms for cuddle time, I am there holding you."  God heard my prayer.  He saw my tears.

Photo from freedigitalphotos.net
 “Record my lament; 
list my tears on your scroll - 
are they not in your record?”
Psalm 56:8
My daughter, Kaytlin, had just written a short story that she had shared with me on Sunday.  God reminded me of his presence through her story as well.  As I drifted back to sleep, I sent up a prayer of thanks to God who used my children to reassure me of his presence.
God is "The Tear Master" through the midst of a dark and lonely night.  So thankful to serve a God who sees me.

(If you would like to read Kaytlin's story, click on the link above.)


  1. GOD BLESS you!!!

    Charlotte Moore

  2. I love and appreciate your transparency! I'm so glad you've drawn strength from the book of Psalms. I read one chapter a day, and it's always just what I need to hear each day. David's prayers and reminders of God's promises helped me so much in the middle of our cancer journey. Blessing to you!!!