Sweet Surrender

-
I was glancing back through my journal that I am about to close and stash away with many others when I found these words that I wrote in June of 2019.  I vividly remember penning these words through tears as I tried to come to terms with my husband's plans to change ministries.  This was a very personal and lonely struggle for me.  I share now only to say there are hard changes in life sometimes, but they become opportunities for growth.  I needed to struggle in the shadow of the cross.  There were things in my life that needed fully submitted to Him.  

I learned that it is in complete surrender that peace is found.  It is hard to describe that peace and why it is there.  Perhaps that is why we find these words penned by the apostle Paul in Philippians 4: 6-7,
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

The peace of God transcends all understanding.  It has become a prayer of mine that I will continue to find that peace in sweet surrender.   (But that surrender sure isn't easy!)

The battle wages
My way or His?
Show me how
I implore Him to reveal

"My life is good" I shout
fearing all that would be lost
Terrified of the unknown I beg
"Don't make me count the cost"

Sitting on that bench
in the shadow of the cross
I argue, I wrestle
until completely spent

Then words cried out in pain
whisper to my heart
"Not my will, but thine be done,"
my Jesus as He faced the cross

Conviction twists my soul within
My eyes sting with the tears
Ah, but Lord, "if it be possible remove this cup"
I do not wish the price to pay

But there in the garden all alone
He chose the plan divine
His sacrifice...a life...His life
that He could rescue mine

Why do I wrestle so within
an offering of my will to make
When Christ poured out his very life
to save a world that's lost

Now tears run freely
I struggle to let go
To yield completely
Conform my will to His

Beneath that cross
my face bowed low
I breathe at last
"Not my will, but yours" 

A love like HIS draws from my heart
sweet surrender
peace at last
as I wrestled at the cross


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Skillet Zucchini and Hamburger

-
Image
My garden is producing peppers, onions, and zucchini and yellow squash right now.  I ran across this recipe, and the kids thought it was great.  They liked it much better then the way I had fixed the zucchini previously in a similar recipe with diced tomatoes instead of spaghetti sauce. What You Need: 1 lb ground chuck 2 lb zucchini or yellow squash, chopped in bite size pieces 1 green or red bell pepper, chopped 1 large onion, chopped 2 garlic cloves, minced 1 26 ounce jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 teaspoon dried basil leaves 1/2 teaspoon black pepper salt to taste What To Do: 1.  Brown ground chuck with onion and bell pepper in a large skillet.  Drain grease. 2.  Add garlic and seasonings.  Stir. 3.  Add zucchini and stir.  Cover with lid and cook over medium heat for approximately 15 minutes until zucchini is crisp tender.  Stir about every 5 minutes. 4....
Read more

When You Have To Let Go

-
Image
Heartache.  Deep, painful, agonizing heartache.  For a season that felt like it would never end, I carried a weight of anguish that tore at my very soul.  Parenting had been the source of immense joy for me, but at the same time there came with it intense sorrow.    Learning to handle this heartache is something that for me personally both challenged and grew my faith.  During this time I learned to appreciate the words of Psalm 77.  The lament of the Psalmist was much the same as my own heart cry to God.  It says,  I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me.  In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints. You hold my eyelids open ; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long ago. I said, “Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in...
Read more

My Battle with Depression

-
Image
"Your Mom is not the same person she was," I overheard my husband explain to one of our boys. Our son wistfully replies, "I hope she gets better soon." My tears flowed.  I was not sure I would ever be better.  How does a broken heart heal?  How is one ever the same after they are broken? Each day I rose early.  In the stillness of the morning, I sought strength from above.  I never wanted to leave the quiet.  I wanted to stay here reading His Word and praying.  But...children awoke, meals needed fixed, laundry begged washing, and somehow I walked through each day.  However, I lived angry inside...angry that my solitude had been disturbed. The reality of my life was depression.  A depression that would not loosen its grip. It took me a long time to acknowledge it though. Over a year before my medical doctor had suggested to me that I take an anti-depressant.  I had gone in for unexplained aching and fatigue in my body. ...
Read more