Mother of Seven + 2

After yesterday's post,  I thought I would share one of the methods for teaching kindness that I tried last year. Over the years I had tried numerous solutions to teach kindness. When I heard unkind words, I had the children say something kind about the person they hurt. When something mean was done, I would have them do an act of kindness for that person. If they were concerned about being first, I had them let the other person be first. I even tried having them write Ephesians 4:32 ten times after an offense. They all know how to spell every single word in that verse!  I remember one of the boys at the age of nine being quite proud of the fact he could spell "compassionate." :0) However, here is the idea that came about out of sheer desperation on my part. If you are unkind to each other you will: Hold hands for 10 minutes. Get to choose one activity to do with the other. Then you will spend 20 minutes each playing with the other person in their activity.  Th...

Sometimes I get sick of the fighting and selfishness that is so prevalent some days in my house.  I think I'll scream if I hear another, "He pushed me, he kicked me first,  or he took what I was playing with."  And if I see someone shove past someone on the stairs, take the coveted seat in the living room, or grab the biggest cookie I think I just might do something crazy.  I've contemplated whether I get bent out of shape too easily over things that are natural for kids to do. Then I was reading from I John 4:7,8 which says, "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love." This loving business sounds mighty important, and showing kindness is an act of love. Continuing on in I John 4: 9, 10 it says, "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live throu...

This time of the year always gives me the urge to bake.  There's nothing like the aromas from holiday baking.  I plan to share some of my favorite with you over the month of December. If you are looking for a dessert that is sugar free but doesn't call for sugar substitutes, you might find this apple pie recipe fits the bill.  We love this served warm and topped with a small scoop of vanilla ice cream.  Easy Apple Pie 1 pie crust 6 c. apples, sliced (I don't peel them) 1/3 c. apple juice concentrate 2 T quick cooking tapioca 1 t. ground cinnamon 1/4 c. chopped walnuts Mix together apples, apple juice concentrate, quick cooking tapioca, and cinnamon.  Let set for 15 minutes.  Pour into pie crust and sprinkle top with walnuts.  Bake at 425 for 15 min.  Then continue baking at 350 for 30-40 min.

We all want a close feeling of connection with our children.  How does that come about?  Does this natural connection only happen with birth children?  Is it possible in adoption? A birth child is genetically like his parents.  It is remarkable how much of the time a child is the physical mirror image of one his parents.  Often times there is a natural understanding between them because of the similarities in personalities.  Another factor that figures in is the unexplainable bond a mother has with a child she carries in her womb for nine months.   Some have alluded that all this makes having the same sort of bond with an adopted child almost impossible.   I understand these sentiments, but my heart wants it to be different; and I think it can be. Consider the Father, the Son, and us.  Jesus is God's one and only Son (Jn. 3:16).  The Father and the Son are One.  They are completely connected.  Yet that has not kept Go...

Physical strength and energy to love was not the hardest hurdle for me in the bonding process. Our new children had many needs that were time consuming.  Also just by nature they were demanding--what children aren't?  There was literally no time for the special little times that I was accustomed to with our biological children.  For example, I would sit down on the couch to read a book to the children, and my new aggressive children always took the seats by me and left the others on the outskirts.  I would want to say something to correct the situation, but then I would get the "you love them more then me" treatment.  In my head I knew our new children were insecure and needed time to feel secure in our love, but it was hard for my heart to understand.  This is where my struggle with resentment came in. I resented our birth children getting pushed to the side.    Probably the hardest thing for me was when they mistreated other children in...

An important part of the bonding process for me was the letting go of the past. Going ahead down the road.  Image: dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net One weekend we left our three adopted children (at the time they were still foster children) with a special previous foster family who wanted to spend time with them.  We visited a museum with the other children and went on a walk.  It was so calm and peaceful.  We had a delightful time.  On our way home that evening, I broke down crying.  I didn't know how to put into words what I was feeling.  But in a sense I was mourning for what had been our family and how it had changed.  I realized the finality of our situation.  Although I wouldn't have changed it, there was a part of me that grieved for what was no more.  The children helped me realize I couldn't live looking back.  By the time the weekend was over they were truly missing their brothers and sister....

Every person's experience with adoption and bonding will be different.  I only can share from my own journey. God planted in my heart love for a little girl who needed me .  I didn't know who she was, but I prayed for her.  Over time we opened our hearts to a sibling group .  Somehow I knew it would be three, and I would pray for our three children whom we did not yet know.  When we picked up our children I felt a connection because I had prayed for them daily for several months.  It was easy to take them in my arms and tell them I loved them.  I truly did, but I didn't know how much that love would be tested. In the beginning weeks the sheer stress of adapting from four children to seven was enough to make me question my sanity and, yes, even my love.  Many times I didn't think I could function another minute.  I remember kneeling beside my bed begging Jesus to intercede on my behalf.  I cried out, "Lord, you know my heart.  N...