Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Looking Ahead

An important part of the bonding process for me was the letting go of the past.

Going ahead down the road.  Image: dan /

One weekend we left our three adopted children (at the time they were still foster children) with a special previous foster family who wanted to spend time with them.  We visited a museum with the other children and went on a walk.  It was so calm and peaceful.  We had a delightful time.  On our way home that evening, I broke down crying.  I didn't know how to put into words what I was feeling.  But in a sense I was mourning for what had been our family and how it had changed.  I realized the finality of our situation.  Although I wouldn't have changed it, there was a part of me that grieved for what was no more. 

The children helped me realize I couldn't live looking back.  By the time the weekend was over they were truly missing their brothers and sister.  They made comments like, "It doesn't seem right without them. I wonder what they are doing.  Do you think they'll want to come home?  The van feels empty."  Yes, life had forever changed, but it was time to look forward.  For us to bond as a family it was a necessity.

1 comment:

  1. most people don't speak so frankly about all of the feelings - the negative ones- that can go along with adoption. I can appreciate every word and I have a clue as to what it has taken for you to move forward in love and trust and Peace! I have only recently begun writing about our adoption because there has been so much to work through, that I didn't want to come off with a negative testimony against adoption. God has continued to pull at my heart strings as I've danced around the issues- we have a little fire bug on our hands. He's destructive like I've never seen - and God is healing him, healing us, restoring the bond that WE never actually broke, my beautiful baby isn't responsible for the things that happened to him- he has no memory because of his age, but the emotional damage that was done even in such a short time was so great that this little one has purposely tried to leave a path of destruction every where he has gone. I have two other boys to think of. My biological children are also the ones who have helped me to see clearly that THIS is just what families do with their innocent comments about their brother I see the true brotherly bonds that have formed - I am finally really getting to see the light (hopefully)at least near the end of the tunnel! :) God bless you my friend-