Monday, November 21, 2011

A Delicate Subject

 November is National Adoption Month.   I don't know about you, but I love reading stories of adoption.  They tug at my heart strings.  We all like happy endings, or as is the case with adoption a "happy new beginning" for a child.  And it is a beginning for a child and a family.  We forget that.   As we celebrate the beautiful gift of adoption, it is necessary to also examine the realities of adoption.  Adoption is the beginning of a journey--sometimes a difficult journey-- for a child and the parents.

Image: TCJ2020 /

I'm an adoptive mother, and the following dialogue is one that often has run through my head:  "Why is it so hard?  These feelings of resentment and anger I experience.  I hate it, and yet they resurface over and over.  I lack empathy.  And I fear I lack love."   I've grappled with these thoughts over and over.

This is a struggle that many adoptive parents face, but they don't put it into words because they fear being judged for it.  Also, they would never want to hurt their children because of something they see as a failure on their part.  It is the struggle with bonding with their adopted children.

Over the past year I've contemplated many times writing on this subject but have backed away.  Yet I feel it is a subject that needs addressed.  More then once I've talked to adoptive mothers who are hurting inside because they feel they are failing their children.  So with prayer and careful consideration of each word, I'm attempting to address a difficult topic this week.   I invite you to join me each day.


  1. I agree. It is difficult to talk about the anger and the resentment, and they resurface so often -- even this afternoon! I feel like "the mother from Hell" today, which is why I'm sitting here reading adoption blogs and hoping that someone will write The Magic Thing That Makes Everything Better. A non-adoptive friend just told me yesterday, "Adoption is the Gospel in your living room," and the response on the tip of my tongue was so far from the Gospel that I definitely won't be sharing it with anyone. :-)

  2. Praying for you just now. I understand those days. Some days I feel like all I do is repent before God.

  3. Yes, it is such a difficult subject. Partly, I think, because it varies so much moment to moment. Today I'm having one of those two-steps backwards days, which is greatly frustrating. But there are so many good days, too. And really, it's not about me.

    Your family is beautiful. Thanks for commenting on my site today; I'm glad to have found your blog. :)