Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I Can't

Every person's experience with adoption and bonding will be different.  I only can share from my own journey.

God planted in my heart love for a little girl who needed me.  I didn't know who she was, but I prayed for her.  Over time we opened our hearts to a sibling group.  Somehow I knew it would be three, and I would pray for our three children whom we did not yet know.  When we picked up our children I felt a connection because I had prayed for them daily for several months.  It was easy to take them in my arms and tell them I loved them.  I truly did, but I didn't know how much that love would be tested.

In the beginning weeks the sheer stress of adapting from four children to seven was enough to make me question my sanity and, yes, even my love.  Many times I didn't think I could function another minute.  I remember kneeling beside my bed begging Jesus to intercede on my behalf.  I cried out, "Lord, you know my heart.  Now please talk to the Father about it.  I don't know how or what to pray.  But I know I just can't do this...  I can't do this."  Sobs racked my body as I wept before the Lord.  After my emotions were spent, I strangely felt at peace.  God ministered to my heart and in the quietness I realized, "No, I can't, but He can."

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:13  

The apostle Paul penned these words at the end of his letter to the Philippians.  Paul suffered many hardships for Christ.  He had been shipwrecked, beaten, jailed, falsely accused, and much more.  Yet I love verse 11 because he says, "I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstances."  Isn't that what life is, a learning process?

I learned that day on my knees, "I can't, but He can."  I got up with renewed strength knowing that just as God was faithful to minister to my hurting heart, He would be faithful to help me love all his precious children.  He would create in me a love with a bond so strong that I would no longer think, "I can't."


  1. we went from 4 to 7 kids in one year ,too ...2 foster children & an unexpected pregnancy...what a ride & what teaching process w/ God...I can't BUT HE can

  2. Would you be willing to let us feature this post on "We Are Grafted In"? (www.wearegraftedin.com) It is a Christian adoption website that seeks to encourage adoptive parents and those considering adoption as well as those with a passion for orphan care and foster care.
    If you are willing, I'd just need a brief bio and a picture to use when it is featured so we can direct our readers back to your blog.
    Just let me know!
    co-administrator of WAGI
    smurphy28 @ juno . com

    1. I would be glad to have you feature this post. I looked at your blog site. It is a wonderful resource for encouragement. I tried sending you an e-mail. Not sure if you received it. It has my bio and picture.