Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Turning the Page

This has been a month of conflicting emotions for me.  I'm happy.  I'm sad.  I'm proud.  I'm teary.  I'm at peace.  I'm emotional.  How to explain it?  I'm not sure.

My oldest son, Ryan, finishes high school next week.  I'm proud of him and his accomplishments.  He's finishing at the top of his class in his on-line high school.   He's way smarter then me when it comes to math, science, music, and computers.

I'm happy because I have confidence that the choices he's made will take him far in life.  He's chosen to be a man of character.  Most importantly, he puts God first in his life.  There is nothing that could bring this mom greater happiness.

Starting his life with Jesus.

So, why the tears?  I guess they are mostly happy tears.  But there are sad tears there too.  There is a little selfish spot deep inside me that is sad for me.  Sad that life is changing.  Sad because I know I'll miss his quiet ways around our home.  I'll miss his gentle spirit.  I'll miss his music.  I'll miss the little kind things he does for me.  Oh, I know he'll come back for visits.  I know he'll call.  But I also know it won't be the same.  Sometimes it's hard to close a chapter in your life.  It's hard to turn the page.

On the bright side, the next chapter will be exciting.  There will be college and friends--perhaps even a girlfriend.  He will be venturing out, trying new things, becoming his own person.  I loved that time in my life.  I wouldn't want him to miss it.  I am at peace.  I know God will be with him.  He will care for him.

God created life this way.  He intended for children to grow up and leave home.  Honestly I wouldn't want it any other way.  However, I'm beginning to wish the transition were just a bit easier.  This emotional roller coaster I've been on probably has my whole family thinking they are on one crazy ride.

 I'm hanging on to Jesus.  Thankful he's in control, because I'm certainly not. :0)


  1. Congratulations on your graduate. I had one myself this year and another one joined the service and I'll have another one graduating next year as well...I know where you are...I'm there.
    Keep up the God work.

    1. Thank you for the encouragement, Lori. It helps to know other mother's have some of the same feelings.