Falling

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I knew so much when I was 20.  The world was before me, and I thought I had the answers.  The arrogance of youth gripped my life.  Now 20 years later I understand there is much I don't know.  I have mountains more to learn. 

The Word of God sometimes painfully reveals to me who I truly am.  I often don't like what I see.  I'm tempted to glance in His mirror and turn away neglecting to change what I saw.
"Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." James 1:23,24

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The last six years God has shown me over and over that I have an issue with pride.  I never used to think of myself as a prideful person, but I am.  I find myself thinking, "My children will never do that."  Why not?  Because it would embarrass me.  I find I'm more concerned about how their behavior reflects on me, then on their well-being.  I find I think more of myself then I should.  I find I desire the praise of men.

God has used our adoption experience to humble me.  I truly thought I had it within me to love another child as my own.   I knew I could do it.  I've had to humble myself before God and tell him I'm helpless on my own.  I need his help and strength to truly love.  This was difficult for me to do. I am grateful God is faithful, and he is teaching me about true love.  I'm learning to let go of my pride and recognize my intense need of Him.

Peter says in reference to trials in I Peter 1:7, "These have come so that your faith -- of greater worth then gold, which perishes even though refined by fire -- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."  It has been life's challenges that have humbled me enough to realize my great need for God's wisdom and strength.

Proverbs 16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."  I'm comforted to know that when I fall it can be before a loving Savior who gently picks me up.  He reminds me, "It's not about you."  Then He continues His work in my life that it might bring praise, glory, and honor to Him -- the one who is truly worthy of all praise, glory, and honor.

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