Monday, June 20, 2011

Jesus Loves Me

August 2006
Many times I wonder what confusion and pain Amber must have felt when she came to us.  She had just turned three years old the month previously.  The day we picked the children up, she had come to me immediately.  She called me "Momma" right off.  She loved to laugh, yet there was pain behind those sky blue eyes.  On the way home, she clung to a small baby doll I had given her, and she cried off and on.  I thought she was not happy about having to sit in the car for an hour.  Now as I look back I realize the fussing was more then that.  Amber is not one to complain.

The nights were difficult for Amber that summer.  She went to bed willingly but had a hard time relaxing.  I would sit by her bed and rub her back singing "Jesus Loves Me" softly to her.  She would drift off, and I would head to bed.  Sometimes just 30 minutes later I would hear her crying out for "Momma".  She never was fully awake during these times.  She was just sleeping restlessly.  I would sing to her and rub her back some more until she was calm again.  Many nights this happened over and over until about midnight when she would settle into a deeper sleep.

This routine became exhausting as the first few weeks of our families adjustment passed.  I was worn out physically as well as emotionally.  When I went to sleep, I was out.  Typically I'm a light sleeper, but I was so tired nothing woke me.  I soon discovered that Kayt at the young age of 10 had begun getting up with Amber during the night.  I felt bad, but Kayt assured me that she didn't mind.  The girls developed a close relationship during this time.  Amber needed Kayt, and Kayt found fulfillment in being needed.

One particular night sticks out in my mind.  I awoke around 2:00 a.m.  Above the noise of the air conditioner I could hear a little voice brokenly singing "Jesus Loves Me."  Tears filled my eyes as I realized it was Amber comforting herself in the dark of the night.  I was overwhelmed with her childlike faith that knew to sing of Jesus' love for her when fear was surrounding her tender heart.

So much had happened to our little girl.  Things she will never remember.  She was removed from her home at about ten months of age.  From that time until she came to us, she had been in five foster homes.  The instability of not having a place to belong would be terrifying.  But she also had to cope with flashes of fear from abuse she had suffered.

Through it all though, she clung to Jesus' love for her.  Even her "Momma" and "Sissy Kayt" weren't always there.  But she knew Jesus was there, and he loved her.

"Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to him belong.  They are weak, but he is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me. 
Yes, Jesus loves me.  The Bible tells me so."

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