Mother of Seven + 2

Dear Kaytlin, Nineteen years ago I awoke in the early morning on a day somewhat like today.  It was a bitter cold outside.  I was uncomfortable and couldn't sleep. I remember your dad got up with me and distracted me from contractions that were 7-8 minutes apart.  We played solitaire on our new computer.  After awhile I grew restless and so I made sure my bag was ready for the hospital and did some things around the house. I was pretty sure I was in labor, but I wasn't in pain.  I finally called the hospital when the contractions were about five minutes apart.  They advised me to do some walking for 30 minutes and then if the contractions were closer after that to come on in.  So I went next door to the church and walked around the auditorium.  My contractions did get closer together, but it sure didn't feel anything like my first labor. I decided to rest on the couch and play with your brother, Ryan, for a bit.  At about noon I sud...

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?..." Isa. 49:15a  Bonding begins naturally in the womb.  It happens as an infant suckles at his mother's breast.  In the dark of the night as a fussy infant snuggles close and the smell of parent and child mingle, the bond tightens.  This process of bonding happens as naturally as we breathe. In adoption bonding also occurs, but it begins in a different way.  It began for me with a vision and a prayer for children not yet my own.  I loved before I ever knew.  Then just as with all children the bond and love grew as we lived life together.  In recent months we have encountered some challenges.  As I watch one of my children struggle my heart is pained.  It hurts deeply for them.  I want to protect.  I want to shelter.  The reality...I no longer can. I cannot forget the early days.  The pain my child had gone through r...

Our family is encountering a particularly tough time.  I will not recount any particulars because I respect my children's privacy.  However, at a time when emotions are raw, I'm learning how great is the love of my Heavenly Father. When the storm rages the flesh struggles and the heart is pained. When the storm rages doubts arise and the mind cannot comprehend. When the storm rages each breath  becomes a matter of will. When the storm rages nights are sleepless the days an emotional haze. When the storm rages conversations ensue questions need answers. "Lord, I feel betrayed." "My daughter, I was betrayed." "Lord, I gave my love." "My daughter, I gave my Son." "Lord, I poured my life into him." "My daughter, I poured my life out for you." "Lord, I can't." "My daughter, I can." When the storm rages He is there My God i...