Sunday, August 14, 2011

Should We Adopt?

There are well over 100,000 children in foster care that are in need of adoptive families.  Their stories are heart wrenching.  Christian families are desperately needed for them.  Many women have approached me expressing how they deeply desire to take in some of these children.  I would like to encourage them to pursue doing so, but there is a dilemma.  Their husbands are not supportive.

Adopting out of foster care is a difficult challenge.  I cannot imagine facing the task without being a team with my husband where we support each other 100%.    When we took the foster care classes, there was one statistic they presented us with that was startling.  They said that 80% of couples who adopt out of foster care end up divorced.  This is a much higher then average divorce rate.

With our experience, I have several thoughts as to why this happens.  Many of the problems faced with the children are all consuming.  Life begins to revolve around the children, and there is little time or energy to put into the marriage.  Also, children naturally are manipulators, but when you take children who have had to fend for themselves and protect themselves, they become professional manipulators.  They work the parents against one another, and many times the parents are unaware of what is happening because there has not been adequate time put into communication.

As a woman if adoption has been laid on your heart and your husband is not supportive, then be content in knowing you are right where God wants you in submission to your husband.  Pray that if adoption is truly what God wants for your family, that God would work on your husband's heart.  Pray that if it isn't God's plan that he would give you peace and help you focus on being the wife your husband needs.  Don't try to change your husband and force the issue.  If you would finally get your way and then things got tough, your husband could easily throw back at you that he never really wanted to do this. 

Women have big hearts and want to fix all the hurts in the world.  However, we must trust our husbands and remain under their leadership in our families.  Should you adopt?  The first question that has to be answered is, "What does your husband think?"

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