I've often looked at my relationship with Troy and wondered what I should have done different. That first year was so tough. I stepped back and gave him room to work through his anger. He rejected me and my love, and I truly thought if I gave him time he would see that I did love him and he could trust me.
Maybe I got used to the space. Perhaps I didn't know when was the right time to start reaching out more. Honestly, things got to the point where I resented the struggles we faced. As time went by, I began to think he'd had enough time to heal, and I harbored some anger.
This past summer God convicted me of an unforgiving attitude through some words aptly spoken by a friend. Repentance is healing. Tears are cleansing. Forgiveness is freeing.
I've been working on changing. It is hard. There have been noticeable changes in our relationship though. More times of enjoying each other's company. Less time criticizing. Lots of times of biting my tongue. :)
On Tuesday this week Troy came home from school and asked, "Hey, mom, would you go out with me?" I was somewhat taken aback but promised him I would on the first available night.
Thursday evening we headed out into the cold evening for an "after supper" treat. He insisted I choose the place. We headed over to a great little restaurant in a nearby town that serves hot drinks similar to what can be bought at Starbucks.
On the trip over, I listened as he talked about school and sports. It was pleasant listening to his 15 year old low rumbly voice. I didn't need to say much. Never have to with Troy. He can carry on a conversation by himself.
At the restaurant, we were seated and placed our orders. Troy surprised me and asked, "So, mom, how was your day?" That meant a lot...to have my son care about how my day was. The conversation continued, but with interaction back and forth now. It was enjoyable.
Then it happened. Looking uncomfortable Troy said, "You know, mom, I'm not very good at this kind of thing, but I asked you out because I wanted to tell you that I love you, and I think you are a good mom." My eyes suddenly were burning with tears. I get teary even now as I think about it.
I'm telling you, that big muscular boy of mine melted my heart right then and there. It wasn't easy for him to say those words, but he said them.
When we left he insisted on paying the bill. I tried to help, but he wouldn't take my money. He was a perfect gentleman that would make any mom proud.
The girl at the cash register told us as we were leaving, "I hope you have a good evening."
I replied, "I already have. It's not every night that a mom gets to go out with her son."
It was a moment in time I'll treasure in my heart forever. It is always worth it to take a risk and love someone. Always!
|Our son, Troy. Proud of #16.|