Monday, November 18, 2013

I Was Wrong

Those three words are hard to say.  I hate admitting it when I am in the wrong.  It's a pride issue. 

I finally broke down and bought a book that many adoptive families have recommended to me over the past seven years.  As I've analyzed why I didn't read it sooner, it really boiled down to I thought I was doing fine without it.  There is that pride popping up again.

Now as I am reading the book, I keep thinking, "This would have been great to know and understand a few years ago."  I have no one to blame but myself though.  I can make excuses and say, "I was too busy."  However, I've probably read one hundred other books in the past couple years.  Seriously, I have.  I love to read. 

I can say, "I didn't have the money to buy it."   Perhaps not, but with some prioritizing I could have found the money.  There was money spent on frivolous items that would have been better spent buying this book.

Fear was also a factor.  I tend to shy away from anything that might deal with psychology.  I've seen excuses made many times for behaviors because "well, you know, they had a tough life."  Digging up the past and examining it piece by piece sometimes seems pointless.  There is a time to let things go and move forward.  I feared getting caught up in some of the psychological "garbage" that is out there.

However, The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis has been changing my thought processes when it comes to dealing with our children with difficult past experiences.  I am only a little over a third the way through the book.  It is full of useful information and practical examples on how to form a bond with an adopted child.  It's one of those books that I want to remember each chapter and each pointer, and I can't process it all at once.  I go back and read chapters again.

Already it is changing the way I deal with problems that arise in our home.  A more positive atmosphere is making life a more pleasant experience for Little Girl and for Michael, our son with RAD.  I am seeing the methods work. 

The hardest changes are for me.  I tend to be a control freak.  I want my children to do what I say because I said so.  It is hard for me to step back and say, "This matters, but the method by which we accomplish it and the timing in which we accomplish it might need to be different."  The Connected Child is helping me see things through my children's eyes.  I needed that perspective.

I was wrong.  I'm thankful to now be reading this helpful book, and I'm thankful for friend after friend who recommended it to me until I finally got it through my hard head that perhaps I should read it.



  1. I just started this book! I really enjoy Dr. Purvis. She has several short videos on this website. I listened to one the other day while I emptied the dishwasher! :)

    1. Thank you for the website. I will check it out. :)