Mother of Seven + 2

I was working in the kitchen when eight year old, Avarie, came running inside and grabbed me around the waist. Her arms held tight as big tears rolled down her face and she sobbed, "Mommy, I did something really evil."  I don't connect the word "evil" with a child.  So I laughed softly to myself and hugged her tightly.  I told her that she probably needed to talk to God about it.  Then I disengaged her arms to stir the hamburger browning on the stove top.  She insistently pulled me by the arm and said, "Come on, mommy, we have to talk about this."  She wanted to be alone where no one could hear. Because I had food cooking, I sent everyone out of the kitchen and asked her to explain to me what she had done. It took some time, but she finally started explaining the whole upsetting situation.  She had been outside playing when a squirrel started to cross the road.  However, a car was coming and our animal loving daughter was worried it would

"Your Mom is not the same person she was," I overheard my husband explain to one of our boys. Our son wistfully replies, "I hope she gets better soon." My tears flowed.  I was not sure I would ever be better.  How does a broken heart heal?  How is one ever the same after they are broken? Each day I rose early.  In the stillness of the morning, I sought strength from above.  I never wanted to leave the quiet.  I wanted to stay here reading His Word and praying.  But...children awoke, meals needed fixed, laundry begged washing, and somehow I walked through each day.  However, I lived angry inside...angry that my solitude had been disturbed. The reality of my life was depression.  A depression that would not loosen its grip. It took me a long time to acknowledge it though. Over a year before my medical doctor had suggested to me that I take an anti-depressant.  I had gone in for unexplained aching and fatigue in my body.  After a lot of blood work, and fi

Through the past two years, I have not blogged much.  My heart has not been in it.  I would sit down to write and all that came out was heartache and grief. There have been so many tears, and whenever I wrote I cried more.  I could not bear it. I have been undergoing a healing process.  I have spent more time soaking up God's Word and letting it fill my heart.  I am learning a lot about prayer.  There is an intense longing in my heart to talk to God.  I can't get away from it. My soul longs for communion and intimacy with my Maker.  God is refilling my well. Sometimes God brings about his healing in mysterious ways.  This school year I began babysitting twins...just little babies and so sweet.  I know it seemed crazy for me to take on something else, but God knew what I needed.  I love babies.  They are calming for me.  They bring peace.  They force me to sit down and relax.  I have spent a lot of time in the rocking chair.  As I have rocked I have kissed sweet faces, cares