Emotionally, I have good moments and bad moments, good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks. At times I feel like I am doing well, and then I find myself struggling. So I may tell you I am good, and I probably am in that moment. However, I can be crying in the next moment. Sometimes I can talk about it and even need to talk about it. Sometimes it hurts too bad to talk.
My husband sent me to a counselor who ordered me to take care of myself. She said I needed to refill my cup which has been drained so that I would have something to give to our children who all have a great many needs right now. Writing is therapy for me. It helps me sort out my thoughts and understand life around me. So when I get my few hours of alone time a week, I find myself attempting to put into words the myriad of thoughts and emotions that I am dealing with. It is helping.
Physically, I am working on recovering from exhaustion. I still have a few nights a week when I struggle to sleep because my brain is trying to solve problems too big for me. I have fallen asleep while reading books or saying prayers with our little ones. Some days I have a hard time functioning because of the fatigue, but it is improving.
Stress has taken its toll. Sometimes I will suddenly feel anxious. My stomach will feel upset, my chest feels tight, and it can be hard to breathe. I have never experienced "anxiety attacks" before. It is frightening because things feel out of control. However, I am learning to deal with them. I have to take deep slow breaths and talk to God. I tell him that this all belongs to him, and I will trust him with it. These attacks never last more then a few minutes.
Spiritually, my faith is strong. God has been with us each step of the way. We feel His presence. We see His work. We do not feel alone. I cannot imagine going through this type of heartache and struggle without God. I can still say each day that "God is good."
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We love you all. Thank you for all the love you have poured out on us!