Monday, February 20, 2012

A Letter to the Birth Parents

We were encouraged in our fostering classes to consider the birth parents.  One exercise we had to complete was writing a letter to the birth parents.  When we signed the adoptive placement agreement for our children, we did send a letter to the birth parents.  I don't have a copy of the original letter, and I wish I had kept one.  However, I remember much of what we wrote, so I've reconstructed it here. 

By our own choosing our adoptions are open adoptions.  I'm sharing this letter because it has played an important role in our relationship with the birth parents.

Image: Simon Howden /

Dear Birth Parents,

We know this will be a difficult letter for you to read.  However, we pray it will help put your mind at ease.  

The well-being of your children concerns you.  We promise we will care for them, provide for their needs, and love them as our very own. 

Each of your children is a treasure from heaven.  We view them as precious gifts--gifts that should be valued.  God has entrusted them to us for this season, and we are grateful.

However, we want you to know that you are still a part of their lives.  You will always be a part of them and a part of who they become.  We cannot erase that, nor will we try.  We will tell them of your love for them.  We will honor you be keeping their names you chose for them.  We will give them our last name so they know they truly belong.  But your last name we will keep as a middle name, so they will never forget where they came from.

Difficult circumstances did bring the children to this situation, and there will be times when they ask questions.  We will answer them honestly to the best of our ability, but not in a derogatory manner.  We will not bad mouth you or tear you down.

The children still love you and speak of you often.  They pray for you when they go to bed each night.  What is important to them is important to us.  So we want you to know that with this letter we send our love and our continued prayers for you.

Because it matters,
The Adoptive Parents


  1. Thank you for sharing this. I really appreciate what you've said here. And can I ask you to leave it up as we may want to use it for our own children. Right now our homestudy is complete and we're waiting for our kids to come home. I hope to make them a nice scrapbook tellign them the story of their coming into our family and a letter like this seems like soemthing really great to put in that book to help them through the process of understanding their adoption.
    Anway thank you and God bless you. :)

    1. I will leave it posted and leave a link for it under the adoption story tab. We had the foster care system ask to use our letter as an example in teaching their classes. I'm happy for anyone to use it as a basis for their own letters.