Michael's Story pt. 5
Here are some more thoughts from my journal early in 2009. This journal entry deals with the stealing issue. I only share this to help others and encourage others. These stories are not shared to belittle my child in any way. I am so proud of Michael and the progress he has made.
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"How I wish for answers right now. When Ryan was changing sheets on the beds in the younger boys room, he found a $20 bill and his itunes gift card under Mikey's mattress. These items happened to have disappeared out of Ryan's room. I asked Mikey about them, and I have to give him credit in that he told us he had stolen them. However, when I asked if there were other things in his room he needed to tell us about, he said no. Les and I went through his things and found several things in his treasure box and dresser drawers.
How are we to deal with this? We felt like he was doing so much better, and he is with just his everyday behavior. It is so discouraging though. The items we found this time were bigger than just candy. And he's gotten better at hiding the stealing from us.
Recently I've felt like Mikey and I had made huge steps in the bonding process. As I've dealt with my anger towards him, it has been replaced with more love. Right now I'm just really disappointed. I can't fathom hurting his siblings the way he does when he takes their belongings.
And what role does the past play in all this? Most the time anymore Mikey's a seemingly normal child. Yet this last week, he had a hard time dealing with us being gone. I guess he was weepy which is unusual for him. (Amber had fears of her own and as a result was going to the bathroom constantly.) It makes me angry that as a result of their past, my children have fears of us not coming home to them. I would never dream of not coming back, but they don't completely grasp that because they've been hurt so much.
Back to the stealing issue, my first instinct is to take things away from him since he stole from others. However, things are a security for him. Is this wise? What other options do we have? Spankings tend to make him aggressive a bring out the fight in him. He pushes us away after a spanking rather then coming to us for love and comfort afterwards. We can ground him since we can't trust him. But that often is like punishing myself because then I never get a break from him.
We certainly need wisdom from above. God hates stealing. That is his wisdom. We will teach that to our children. We may not come up with the best way, but we will do the best we know how. After that I just need to trust God to remain true and faithful."
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Michael has found victory in his life over stealing for over a year now, but it has been a long process. In my next post, I will share some of the things we tried that didn't help with the stealing and some of the things we tried that did help.
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"How I wish for answers right now. When Ryan was changing sheets on the beds in the younger boys room, he found a $20 bill and his itunes gift card under Mikey's mattress. These items happened to have disappeared out of Ryan's room. I asked Mikey about them, and I have to give him credit in that he told us he had stolen them. However, when I asked if there were other things in his room he needed to tell us about, he said no. Les and I went through his things and found several things in his treasure box and dresser drawers.
How are we to deal with this? We felt like he was doing so much better, and he is with just his everyday behavior. It is so discouraging though. The items we found this time were bigger than just candy. And he's gotten better at hiding the stealing from us.
Recently I've felt like Mikey and I had made huge steps in the bonding process. As I've dealt with my anger towards him, it has been replaced with more love. Right now I'm just really disappointed. I can't fathom hurting his siblings the way he does when he takes their belongings.
And what role does the past play in all this? Most the time anymore Mikey's a seemingly normal child. Yet this last week, he had a hard time dealing with us being gone. I guess he was weepy which is unusual for him. (Amber had fears of her own and as a result was going to the bathroom constantly.) It makes me angry that as a result of their past, my children have fears of us not coming home to them. I would never dream of not coming back, but they don't completely grasp that because they've been hurt so much.
Back to the stealing issue, my first instinct is to take things away from him since he stole from others. However, things are a security for him. Is this wise? What other options do we have? Spankings tend to make him aggressive a bring out the fight in him. He pushes us away after a spanking rather then coming to us for love and comfort afterwards. We can ground him since we can't trust him. But that often is like punishing myself because then I never get a break from him.
We certainly need wisdom from above. God hates stealing. That is his wisdom. We will teach that to our children. We may not come up with the best way, but we will do the best we know how. After that I just need to trust God to remain true and faithful."
******************************************************************************************************
Michael has found victory in his life over stealing for over a year now, but it has been a long process. In my next post, I will share some of the things we tried that didn't help with the stealing and some of the things we tried that did help.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog. Who thought parenting would include such hard times??!! It certainly keeps us on our knees. I need to keep reminding myself to trust God, and that love never fails. I'll be following your blog!
ReplyDeleteHi Natasha. Thanks for the great posts you have shared. Sorry I haven't been around much. Beginning of February Social Services gave our dear girl a new Social worker. The first time she came in for a routine meeting - she marched Butterfly out the door and declared that our methods of dealing with her were neglectful and abusive!! (no spanking or anything - just strictness and structure)
ReplyDeleteWe have been in a fight for all we hold dear ever since. They say we can't ever see her again (and we were about to adopt her!!). They are now trying to deregister us as foster carers completely and even came after our boys (birth children)!!! Please pray that we can get our girl back and that God will have the last word as He has promised us over and over during the past several weeks! Thanks - Deedee
My heart hurts for you. I will pray every day this month for you. You are living a nightmare that was always a nagging fear in my mind the whole time we were in foster care. Hang onto Psalm 46.
ReplyDelete