Walking down the road Searching for the right words Trying to listen with my heart My hurting son beside me Shuffling his feet Kicking at stray rocks Lagging behind Head tucked down Image: chrisroll / FreeDigitalPhotos.net "What is wrong" "Why all the anger" "Please talk to me" I'm begging Pleading Praying for answers Bit by bit They come But he's hesitant and fearful He wonders "What it might be like" "Why I feel this way" He worries He will hurt us We may not understand We might be angry I tilt his face up to look into my eyes I tell him "It's ok." It is natural to wonder about living with his birth family It is wonderful that he loves them God made it that way They are part of who he is We are not hurt We understand We are not angry His pace picks up His arm soon wraps around my waist I put my arm around his sh...
"Your Mom is not the same person she was," I overheard my husband explain to one of our boys. Our son wistfully replies, "I hope she gets better soon." My tears flowed. I was not sure I would ever be better. How does a broken heart heal? How is one ever the same after they are broken? Each day I rose early. In the stillness of the morning, I sought strength from above. I never wanted to leave the quiet. I wanted to stay here reading His Word and praying. But...children awoke, meals needed fixed, laundry begged washing, and somehow I walked through each day. However, I lived angry inside...angry that my solitude had been disturbed. The reality of my life was depression. A depression that would not loosen its grip. It took me a long time to acknowledge it though. Over a year before my medical doctor had suggested to me that I take an anti-depressant. I had gone in for unexplained aching and fatigue in my body. ...
I was glancing back through my journal that I am about to close and stash away with many others when I found these words that I wrote in June of 2019. I vividly remember penning these words through tears as I tried to come to terms with my husband's plans to change ministries. This was a very personal and lonely struggle for me. I share now only to say there are hard changes in life sometimes, but they become opportunities for growth. I needed to struggle in the shadow of the cross. There were things in my life that needed fully submitted to Him. I learned that it is in complete surrender that peace is found . It is hard to describe that peace and why it is there. Perhaps that is why we find these words penned by the apostle Paul in Philippians 4: 6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all und...
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