A Prayer Request

Right or wrong?  I'm not sure.  It's what I had to do.  Mentally I couldn't deal with it every day.

I had prayed for our son, Troy, daily when he left us.  The sadness would overwhelm me each time.  The pain. The grief. The anger.  It would all come rushing in.  I didn't have the strength to deal with it.  I finally laid it before God.  I told him how deeply I loved our son.  I told him I cared, but that I was entrusting Troy to him to remember each moment and each day.  And then I asked him to tell me when he did need me to pray.  I laid it there, and I literally left it there.

I haven't prayed for Troy daily for a couple years.  Sometimes I've felt guilty.  I've wondered what kind of mom I am.  However, I would remember that my God is bigger then my weaknesses and failures.  I found comfort there.

I woke up October 30 with Troy heavy on my heart.  I realized God was telling me to pray.  I asked a special friend of mine to pray with me.  We both wondered why we were praying and figured we would probably never know.

I found out last Friday that Troy is in jail.  Remembering to when he was young, I know he was terrified of  jail.  He always said he wouldn't go there.  He couldn't survive locked up.

My mom emotions are kinda all mixed up.  There is a part of me that is relieved he is in a place where he can't hurt anyone.  I'm relieved that he can't get the drugs there.  I'm thankful that he will probably have long enough in jail to get sober and maybe have some time to truly think about where he is at.

But I also remember the little boy who was so scared and hurt when he came here.  He was terrified to let anyone close to him to love him.  He was afraid of rejection.  He had a tough exterior but a tender heart.  This morning the picture I see is the little boy 20 feet up in the tree, by himself, crying because the pain was too much.  But refusing to come to us for the love we offered.  And I weep.

Would you pray for Troy?  Would you pray God would send someone to reach out to him?