I have been undergoing a healing process. I have spent more time soaking up God's Word and letting it fill my heart. I am learning a lot about prayer. There is an intense longing in my heart to talk to God. I can't get away from it. My soul longs for communion and intimacy with my Maker. God is refilling my well.
Sometimes God brings about his healing in mysterious ways. This school year I began babysitting twins...just little babies and so sweet. I know it seemed crazy for me to take on something else, but God knew what I needed. I love babies. They are calming for me. They bring peace. They force me to sit down and relax. I have spent a lot of time in the rocking chair. As I have rocked I have kissed sweet faces, caressed little hands, and breathed in the sweet scent of baby. Somehow in all the rocking, loving, laughing, and playing, joy has become a part of my life again.
Another activity that has been healing for me is tatting. When I was a teenager a dear sweet neighbor lady taught me to tat because she was afraid it would be a lost art. I haven't tatted much in years, but I picked it up because it was suggested to me that I needed to do something that defined me outside of my family and ministry. Tatting gives me a creative outlet. Currently I have been making tatted cross bookmarks. These crosses remind me that Jesus bore His cross alone so I would never have to bear mine alone.
Contemplating the past couple years there are times it is tempting to wish the pain away, to wish it had never happened. But when I look at where I was and where I am now, I realize I would not change a thing. God used difficult times to draw me intimately closer to Him. I know God as my Comforter now. He has walked beside me, given me strength when I had none, and held me through the pain. In addition, I know Him as the Great Physician, the one who is healing my broken heart, lifting my wounded spirits, and restoring my soul. I realize now that I could not live nor breathe without Him, and that is why I would not go back. I knew that in my head before, but now it is ingrained upon my heart.