"My heart is broken. It feels like a knife is plunged into it and then it just keeps turning and cutting, slowly draining the life out. Lord, I need your healing. Hold me in your arms. Wipe away my tears. You are the Great Healer. You can fix things that are beyond broken..."
That was the beginning of last year. I had no idea the pain that would follow. The tears would keep coming. When I thought there could be no greater heartache, there was more. One event followed another. We lived in the reality of "hurting people hurt people."
I did not understand the ramifications of that prayer for healing, or the pain that it would put our family through. In retrospect I understand now that only He knew what could bring about true healing. What I thought were the answers would have only continued to blanket over the festering sickness. It would have only treated the symptoms and not the problem.
Not understanding I cried out over and over last year, "Lord, why? How can we take any more? Hasn't this been enough?" God reminded me over and over to trust Him. That was so hard when I could not see the big picture.
Sitting here tonight with my prayer journal open, I rejoice that I can now look back and see God's hand. The Great Physician still lives. He heard our cries for healing. He held us through the storms. He is changing our tears of sorrow into joy. (There are still tears sometimes. I'm guessing there may always be. It is that way when you experience loss.)
Healing for us meant utter brokenness. However, I am thankful...thankful for our Great Physician...thankful for the One Who Heals...thankful for the One who refused to just put a band-aid on a problem.
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(Please continue to pray for our son who is no longer with us to experience the hand of the Great Physician also. Thank you.)