Sweet Surrender

I was glancing back through my journal that I am about to close and stash away with many others when I found these words that I wrote in June of 2019.  I vividly remember penning these words through tears as I tried to come to terms with my husband's plans to change ministries.  This was a very personal and lonely struggle for me.  I share now only to say there are hard changes in life sometimes, but they become opportunities for growth.  I needed to struggle in the shadow of the cross.  There were things in my life that needed fully submitted to Him.  

I learned that it is in complete surrender that peace is found.  It is hard to describe that peace and why it is there.  Perhaps that is why we find these words penned by the apostle Paul in Philippians 4: 6-7,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

The peace of God transcends all understanding.  It has become a prayer of mine that I will continue to find that peace in sweet surrender.   (But that surrender sure isn't easy!)

The battle wages
My way or His?
Show me how
I implore Him to reveal

"My life is good" I shout
fearing all that would be lost

Terrified of the unknown I beg

"Don't make me count the cost"

Sitting on that bench

in the shadow of the cross

I argue, I wrestle

until completely spent

Then words cried out in pain
whisper to my heart
"Not my will, but thine be done,"
my Jesus as He faced the cross

Conviction twists my soul within
My eyes sting with the tears
Ah, but Lord, "if it be possible remove this cup"

I do not wish the price to pay

But there in the garden all alone

He chose the plan divine

His sacrifice...a life...His life
that He could rescue mine

Why do I wrestle so within
an offering of my will to make
When Christ poured out his very life
to save a world that's lost

Now tears run freely
I struggle to let go

To yield completely

Conform my will to His

Beneath that cross

my face bowed low

I breathe at last
"Not my will, but yours" 

A love like HIS draws from my heart
sweet surrender
peace at last
as I wrestled at the cross